MOJO!
by HUTCCCH
Summary: Formerly known as Searching. Axel's girlfriend dumps him. Roxas feels bad and tries to get back Axel's mojo, even though he notices a growing attraction to the redhead. Akuroku. Soriku. Cleon. Zemyx. Back!
1. 1

**This story has slash. Nobody cares if you don't like it.**

* * *

"And you always just try to control me! It's my life, Axel, and I can live it however I damn well please!"

Axel blinked in shock and was sure his stomach had promptly fallen out of his butt in surprise.

"Kairi, what are you talking about?"

The redhead flailed her arms in rage, "You always tell me who I can or can't hang out with, and when I can or can't hang out with them. I'm tired of this! You always make me feel like _shit_, Axel, and I can't stand being with you. I just want to- really just want to-"

"Break up with me?" Axel supplied helpfully.

"Yes!" And with that Kairi stomped away, her little posse of devout followers trailing behind her. Only Olette and Roxas were left with him as the crowd around them dispersed.

"Well..didn't see that coming," Axel commented numbly. Roxas patted his hand in what he hoped was a comforting manner, before returning to his sandwhich.

Olette was fussing. "Well, she does have a point, Axel. Please, don't be upset with her! Do try to understand where she's coming from. Though, I must say, it's stupid she made such a big scene..."

Axel chose to tune out the brunette and slap away Roxas' hand as it reached for a chip in Axel's lunchbag.

"Olette, I'm fine. Just give me a minute, alright?"

The brunette girl fell silent and ignored the fact that Roxas had snatched her pudding. Axel stared at the blond, sorting out his thoughts. Roxas ignored him and ate his pudding.

"So...," Axel said aloud. "Kairi thinks I control her, and just broke up with me. In front of everyone. And everyone now thinks I'm a jerk..."

He trailed off and ignored the fact that Olette was spewing comforting statements like vomit. Axel scratched his wild mane of red hair. He scratched his arm. And...there we go. The shock after-effect that had seized him until this moment had now, and officially, worn off.

It's said that real men don't cry. This was, in Axel's opinion, certainly not true. He felt no shame in the fact that he broke down crying, the events that had recently unfolded finally sinking in. Olette was at his side in an instant, hushing him and smoothing his hair, and Roxas stared at him, horrified. Axel felt guilty. He knew Roxas hated when people cried. The blond wasn't a believer in 'strong men can cry!' Yet Axel couldn't stop the tears that were rushing down his face. He handed Roxas his cupcake in a wordless apology, faintly pleased that the blond nodded and took the dessert in forgiveness.

"Oh, Axel. Its not that bad. You should go talk to her, maybe...I'm sure she would listen...," Olette continued to gush and try to wipe away his tears, which was a stupid idea in Axel's opinion. Especially since the brunette would the just wipe the tears onto her shirt, and it was just making a huge, salty, and overall unappealing stain on the fabric.

He inhaled deeply and hiccuped. He looked at Roxas with red, puffy eyes, ignoring the fact that the blond gagged on his cupcake, before looking up at Olette. "Would you talk to her for me?"

Olette smiled in a pitying way, "Of course I will. I'll be right back."

Axel watched her walk away, before turning to Roxas, who was obviously trying not to grimace. Axel frowned, "What's wrong with you?"

Roxas made a vague gesture at Axel's face with chocolate-covered fingers, "You're a mess."

"Well, you can't really blame me, can you?"

Roxas shrugged and wiped off his fingers on a nearby napkin, before picking it up and dabbing helpfully at Axel's face. He stopped when he realized he was just spreading the former finger-chocolate onto Axel's teary cheek. Axel momentarily wondered why he was friends with Roxas, before wiping away the chocolate with his hands.

Olette returned, followed by a Kairi that had red, puffy eyes that were quite similar to Axel's. Axel panicked, resisting the primitive need to flail his arms and flee. He hadn't expected for Olette to get Kari to talk to _him_. He had just wanted the brunette to talk to her! And explain that she was ridiculous and should rush back into Axel's waiting arms! He rubbed furiously at his eyes with his sleeve.

Kairi sat across from Axel, glaring at him with bloodshot eyes. Axel stared back at her, waiting for her to say something. A good few minutes of silence passed. Kairi looked even more pissed than before.

"God, Axel! You don't just call someone over and then stare at them like a complete idiot!"

Axel blinked, quite bewildered about the whole thing. He sent a panicked look at Roxas and Olette. The brunette smiled encouragingly, oblivious to Axel's discomfort. Roxas, however, got up, grabbed Axel's arm, and pulled him out of his chair. The redhead could feel Kairi staring at them as they walked away in confusion and anger.

"Axel Jansen, you get back here this second!" Axel shrugged helplessly and looked back at the fuming girl in a very 'Does it look like I have a choice in where I'm going?' way. He tried to keep from smiling gratefully as Roxas took him down the hallway, and away from his upset ex-girlfriend. The blond stopped at a bench and sat, pulling the redhead down next to him.

Axel had to admit. Roxas may be quiet and may eat alot, but he was a good friend. They sat in a comfortable silence.

"Thanks," Axel said quietly. Roxas nodded.

Their relationship had started to fall apart a few weeks before the cafeteria fiasco had occured. Axel had asked Kairi to go get icecream with him, and she turned him down with, "I can't. I have band practice at five." And Axel had looked down and saw it was 4:50. He told her it was okay, they could go some other day. Instead he asked Roxas to go with him, because really, Axel wanted some icecream. Roxas happily accepted, icecream being one of his favorite foods. The two walked over to the parlor, and Axel was quite surprised to see Kairi across the street, hooked arm in arm with some guy with pink hair. Some guy with pink hair that _wasn't Axel._

Axel had stopped in shock. Roxas complained pitifully, tugging him softly in the direction of icecream. Axel pointed quite rudely across the street, and Roxas stared for a moment, before returning to his icecream-wanting-induced whimpering.

And Kairi seemed to have noticed Axel, because she wrenched her arm out of the guy's arm and waved guiltily. Axel ignored the gesture and firmly gripped Roxas' forearm, dragging him across the street. Roxas felt like crying.

"Axel...Roxas...didn't expect to see you guys here...," the redheaded girl laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "This is Marluxia, my friend from band..."

Axel spared his watch a glance. 5:00 blinked happily up at him. "Don't you have band right now?"

Kairi scratched her neck nervously. Axel could see the steam coming from her ears from thinking so hard for an excuse, "It was cancelled..."

"Why didn't you call me?"

Axel was suprised his words came out with such malice.

"My phone died."

Kairi's phone chose to betray her by ringing merrily from her pocket. Axel looked at her in disgust and turned on his heel, dragging Roxas behind him to the icecream store. Roxas cheered.

After Roxas ordered his large 3-scoop icecream, Axel growled out his order and was led to a booth by a very cheery Roxas. The blond seemingly ignored him as Axel ranted loudly about what they had just witnessed, leaving his icecream quite neglected.

"She's cheating on me with a _gay guy!_ I mean, jeez, am I really that terrible?!"

Roxas shook his head absently, licking the melted icecream off his fingers. Axel would usually have watched him with great enthusiasm (which always creeped Roxas out, but he learned to get used to it), but the prospect of being left for a gay guy by his _girl_friend was too shocking for Axel to enjoy the sight.

"I can't beli-"

"Axel?"

The redhead looked up and scowled even further to see Kairi and her pink haired friend standing at their booth. Kairi was looking quite guilty and Marluxia was staring at Roxas as the blond sucked the icecream off his fingers.

"Axel, listen.." Kairi sat down, unaware of how close Axel as to shoving her to the floor. He decided against it, not wanting to seem like a woman-abuser. Marluxia sat next to Roxas, who scowled at him and reached over for Axel's abandoned icecream. Axel let him take it.

"Listen to what, Kairi? That you ditched me for Tulip here?" Axel said.

The pink haired guy looked offended. "Hey, don't blame Kairi-"

"Shut it gaylord, I'm not talking to you."

Kairi frowned apologetically at Marluxia. "Marly, you should go. Axel and I need to talk. Roxas, you should go too."

The pink haired boy sighed and got up, the blond right behind him. Axel hastily reached across the table and gripped firmly onto Roxas' wrist, pulling him back into his seat. Roxas raised his eyebrows in vague surprise but shrugged. Kairi opened her mouth to protest, but Axel gave her a death look and she shut up about it.

"Look, Axel. I'm sorry I lied to you...I really did think I had band, but then Marly called me up and told me we didn't have it, and then invited me to go to get some pizza. And I didn't even think to call you, because I had to talk to him about this thing that happened in band, and I'm so sorry..."

Axel opened his mouth to say something nasty, but the look of guilt and apologetic sadness on her face, combined with the kick in the shin and meaningful look from Roxas, made him change his mind. He sighed heavily. "It's alright Kairi...just try to call me before showing up with some other guy, alright?"

Kairi beamed. Roxas kicked Axel again in the shin for fun. Axel smiled softly back at his girlfriend and kicked Roxas back harder in the kneecap, smiling wider when the blond gasped in pain. And things had ever been the same between Axel and Kairi again.

* * *

A/N: So you all know, I have a deep. Burning. Absolute hate for Kairi. No offense to Kairi-fans but I couldn't really see anyone else in Kingdom Hearts as a whiny, clingy, slightly whoreish and possibly cheating girlfriend. Yes, I know Axel and Roxas are pretty OOC. Axel is kinda clingy and needy, and Roxas is...well, Roxas is a little bit of a quiet fatty. But not to fret! He's just a skinny kids who eats alot xD. And I love Marly. xD He and his feminine charm. C:

This WILL be Axel/Roxas, I swear it! D:

Its just gonna take some time for them to get into the swiiing of things.

This is NOT NOT NOT NOT Axel/Kairi.

This IS going to be a multi-chaptered story, kay?

Read, read, review, review. (:


	2. 2

* * *

Kay, so the only reason this is getting updated...well, the next day is: I already had this chapter written. I didn't originally plan on even posting this story, it was kind of just something to amuse me. (:

And I decided to post this chapter today since I probably wont' be updating for quite a while. My really super awesome friend is visiting from halfway across the WORLD for like 3 weeks, and I didn't want to just leave the story hanging. So do try to be patient with Hutch. ): Updates will probably not be as quick and sneaky as this one.

-Review Answers:

DeeVC: D: I know, I know. I despise Axel/Kairi in any shape and form, but the only parts of them in this story will be them fighting/falling apart. C:

Sarie Bear: xD I actually was going to use Larxene. But then I decided that she wouldn't cry and fuss over Axel like Kairi would. C: Silly Roxas and his over-active metabolism.

Silver-Excalibur: Haha yeah, Roxas is a little OOC. Except for the quiet part. He's a silent dude. And the fat part came from...well the game itself. :P I mean, seriously. Half the time he's like "HAY I WOULD LIKE SOME ICE CREAM, KAY? :D"

ArielCullen: C: Me too. He just seems like that kind of kid. I don't know where he keeps it, though.

Bubblegum Head: ((: Thanks so much. Yeah, Kairi is obnoxious ):

iheartatem: :P I would kill Kairi, but then I would feel horrible and murderous. Because, because. That would call for a period of Axel-angst (even though there is alot here xD), Roxas starving, Sora crying (he just seems like the kind of kid who would cry for someone he doesn't know), and Riku boredom. But there will be loads of verbal/physical(bring out the tennis racket D: ) bashing of Kairi. :D

C: Love and adoration to all who reviewed. 3 To the story!

* * *

The next blow to Axel and Kairi's relationship was Kairi's reaction to meeting Roxas' twin and Roxas' twin's best friend. Roxas' twin was a replica of Roxas (though not as cute, in Axel's opinion), but with brown hair instead of blond, and was named Sora. He was much more energetic than Roxas, and could talk for hours, but the two of them had the same capacity for food. Sora's best friend was a very attraticve, tall, silver haired boy with bright aquamarine eyes, and was named Riku.

Sora had suggested that they go down to the pizzeria, they being Roxas, Riku, and himself. Roxas told Axel that Sora and Riku's relationship made him want to puke. And Axel understood, considering the amount of concern the friends had for each other was slightly nauseating. Sora and Riku had been friends since they were in diapers, and were pretty much inseparable. To say that Riku didn't like alot of people would be an understatement. In fact, Sora seemed to be the only person he actually liked. The rest of the world was only tolerated by Riku.

So in fear of being trapped within the sappy-ness that was Sora and Riku, Roxas made Axel come with them to the pizzeria. The redhead happily accepted, considering Kairi worked there. So they all climbed into the car, and Roxas kept the window rolled down, in case Sora and Riku got too sappy with each other and he felt the need to spew.

As they walked into the pizzeria, Axel simply beamed at the sight of his girlfriend, who was behind the counter wearing a horrid visor and ill-fitting apron. Roxas, somewhere in the back of his head, behind the excitement for pizza, decided she looked quiet unattractive as a minium wage worker.

Axel's smile faltered when he saw she wasn't even looking at him. Kairi's vision was fixed on Sora and Riku, who were staring up at the food choices. The smile became increasingly invisible. Was that a line of drool Axel spied on her chin? Axel sincerley hoped not. That would be gross. He would have to reconsider giving her a 'Hello' kiss. Sora was swinging on Riku's arm, demanding they get a extra-large pizza with every topping visible. Riku vaguely looked like he was restraining himself from punching Sora in the ear.

Axel made his way up to the counter and leaned on it, grinning widely, and pushing a rebellious strand of his mane out of his eyes. "Hey babe."

Kairi ignored him.

"Kairi?" Axel raised a brow, his smile fading into a frown. He waved a hand in front of her face. "Kai?" Axel looked at Roxas in worry. Roxas stared at the menu. Which would be better? An extra-large triple cheese pizza, or an extra-large all-meat-plus-tomatoes pizza?

"Hi!" Sora beamed at miniumwageworker!Kairi. "I'll take one extra-large pizza with...olives, sausage, pepperoni, pineapple (Riku gagged), ham..."

Kairi wasn't taking down their order. She was busy staring at Riku, who was stretching his arms high above his head, exposing a sliver of pale stomach.

"And...green peppers. How much will that be?"

Kairi stared blankly at him. "What?" She said intelligently.

Riku sighed, "Just give us an extra-large pizza."

"Right..." She scribbled down their order, watching them as they made their way over to the arcade games huddled near the bathrooms.

Axel and Roxas took their place at the counter. Axel was looking pissed. Roxas was looking hungry. He had decided on the extra-large all-meat-plus-tomatoes, because well...it was more food, and Axel was paying.

"Hello, Kairi."

Kairi ignored him, again. Roxas looked like he was going to jump over the counter and maul her. Axel frowned. That would be bad. He slipped an arm around the blond's waist, in fear for his girlfriend's saftey. Roxas frowned at the offending arm, his plan to pounce Kairi foiled.

"Kairi." Axel raised his voice, getting pretty upset. He grabbed onto Roxas' wrist as the blond's hand started to make its way in a fist at Kairi's face. Roxas scowled at him, but stopped struggling. He instead gently pulled his wrist out of Axel's grip, smacked the elbow Kairi was using to prop herselp up with, and softly put his arm back into Axel's possession.

Kairi jerked violently and face-planted the counter with the support of her elbow gone. She lifted her head, slightly disoriented, and scowled at whoever was in front of her. The anger dissolved as she recovered from the blow and saw Axel. She smiled, and had the look one usually gets when they've been staring at two strangers with their boyfriend right in there.

"Axel!" She paused and looked at Roxas, who was currently pulled close against her boyfriend. Axel noticed, blushed, and let him go.

"About time Kairi. Glad to know you even recognized me."

Kairi blushed and wiped the line of drool off her face. Axel frowned. That was sick. No 'Hello' kiss for her.

"Sorry...so what are you guys doing here?"

Roxas looked at her like she was dumb, "For food of course."

Axel flicked Roxas in the forehead and jerked a thumb to the left, towards where Sora and Riku were wrestling over power of the control stick. Riku booty-bumped Sora into the open bathroom door and victoriously took control of the game. Sora came out with a piece of toilet paper stuck unattractively to his back.

"Roxas' brother asked us to come eat some pizza with them."

Kairi stared at Roxas intently, eyes wide with intrest, "That's your brother?"

"Yeah...he's my twin," Roxas said, his stomach growling unhappily. Damn bitch better give him some food, or Axel would be prying Roxas' teeth out of Kairi's arm.

Kairi's face began to twist, and after he realized it wasn't from the blow from the counter, Roxas felt the sudden need to hide. Axel's girlfriend was going into a sickening fit of cooing, something Roxas despised immensly. It was always an enigma to him why people would melt into sapy goo when they realized Sora and Roxas were twins. He felt himself slowly shuffle closer to Axel, following the primitive instinct to make himself unknown. Axel patted him on the head in comfort.

"So, Kairi. Are you going to take our order, or just stare at Riku's ass all day?"

Kairi stopped her adoring of Sora and Roxas' twin-ness, and turned into a living tomato-person. Roxas thought she looked dumb. Axel thought this was a very clever question for Roxas to ask. He was glad they were friends. He patted Roxas on the head again, and Roxas stepped on his big toe.

"Axel...did you...?" Kairi looked down at her hands guiltily.

"Notice you were staring at those guys like they were creamy delights? Yeah, I noticed."

"Oh."

Roxas was impressed with Kairi's conversational skills.

There had been a long awkward silence between them before Roxas was so hungry, he demanded food, and threatened to hop over the counter and make the pizza himself. Kairi had disappeared to make the food, and Roxas was dragged over to the arcade by a very angry Sora who demanded his twin's help to defeat the unbeatable Riku. Riku was smirking at them and pulled the piece of toilet paper off an upset Sora's back. Axel stayed where he was.

When Kairi returned while the food was cooking, she had quietly apologized for staring at Riku's ass like a creamy delight. Axel asked her to refrain herself, and to at least notice when her own boyfriend walked into a room. Then Axel had taken the pizzas and taken a seat next to Roxas, who looked like he was going to cry with relief.

They didn't talk again for a week.

* * *

Axel trailed behind Roxas to the blond's house, not really caring that Roxas didn't want him to come.

School had ended and Axel had tried his very hardest to avoid Kairi, who apparently had been looking for him all day. Whenever he would hear her approaching (told by the quick clicks of her obnoxious platform shoes, though Roxas had to admit, their red color was pretty cool), Roxas would tug Axel into the closest room. This turned out to be a problem, quite often.

Half the time, the closest room turned out to be an in-session class. 25 or more students would stare at them, and the teacher would angrily ask them what they wanted. Axel would try to come up with a clever explanation while Roxas would press his face to the door, listening for footsteps.

After he was sure Kairi was gone, Roxas would give the professor an adorable smile, which always melted them to a pile of goo, and they would dash out of the room.

When Roxas didn't pull him into a classroom, Axel would find himself stuck in a too-small broom closet, or some space equally as small, breathing in the air Roxas had just breathed out. Which at times was kind of unpleasant. Especially after Roxas had just eaten his, Axel's, and Olette's weight in food during lunch.

Axel would watch Roxas as he pressed his head against the door in the familiar gesture of listening. And Axel would ignore the primal instinct to grope the blond. Axel thought this would be a terrible plan of action, especially since he was pretty sure Roxas wasn't gay, and pretty sure he was on rebound from Kairi. He decided that the urge was spawned from Roxas being so cute. If not that, it was because he was just trying to recover from his recent breakup. Or maybe it was just his stupid horny-hormones that would spew out testosterone like Santa with Christmas presents.

The fact that Axel liked Roxas better than Kairi (even when they dated), had never bothered Axel. It had never bothered him that he immensley enjoyed watching Roxas lick icecream off his fingers, or eat anything in general. He didn't mind that he liked watching Roxas in the locker room, or that he often had more physical contact with Roxas than he ever did with Kairi.

It was safe to say that Axel was relieved, and slightly disappointed, to finally get pulled out of the closet.

* * *

So Axel and Roxas arrived at Roxas' house in the later hours of the day. They made their way straight to the basement, where Roxas sat down, wrung his hands together and gave Axel a serious look. Axel shifted uncomfortably and took a seat on a rocking chair.

He immediately felt 40 years older, and swore he could feel hair beginning to sprout from his ear like an old man's. He quickly shifted from the rocking chair to on the couch across from Roxas.

"You have a problem," Roxas stated, as if talking about the weather.

Axel felt vaguely offended. "If anyone has the problem, its you, Mr. IEatEverythingISeeAndNeverTalkBecauseIAmKindOfAntiSocial."

Roxas frowned at the insult, but continued, "You have a problem because..it seems you have lost your mojo."

Axel stiffled a giggle. Wait, no. He stiffled a chuckle. A deep, manly chuckle. Guys didn't giggle. Yeah.

"What the Hell is a mojo?"

Roxas made a vague motion with his hand, "You know. That thing Austin Powers has. You know?"

"No..."

"YOU KNOW? The thing...," Roxas made an unappealing frustrated noise, and made large arm gestures. He wasn't used to talking so much. "Like, the thing that makes him cool. The cool thing."

"You mean his charm?"

"Yes!" Roxas hopped on his chair, pointing at Axel like he answered the million-dollar question. Axel didn't feel like he had answered the million-dollar question. He felt like he had just been called uncharming.

"Did you just call me uncharming?"

Roxas grinned at him triumphantly, "Yes. Yes I did. Now, I'm going to help you get your mojo back. With my 5 step program."

And Axel had decided that Roxas was, without a doubt, certifiably insane.

* * *

A/N: Ehehehe. Roxas has developed...a very impressive 5 step program! :D

Yes, Sora and Riku have materialized out of nowhere! C: I love them.

Oh, I didn't write a disclaimer on the last chapter. ): Bad Hutch.

Hutch does not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. Hutch also does not own Austin Powers and his cool mojo. Kay? D:

And we discover Axel's secret attraction to Mr.IEatEverythingISeeAndNeverTalkBecauseIAmKindOfAntiSocial! C: About time. Now that Axel has physically come out of the closet, he just has to do it metaphorically. :P

Look forward to: More Kairi bashing. Step one of Roxas' clever plan. Sora and Riku special time! :D

Read, read, review, review. (:


	3. 3

A/N: :D Oh boy!

I managed to get another chapter up by getting up early and typing it before my friend got up (: Here's some Kairi-bashing (literally O:), step 1 of Roxas' super-plan, and Sora's unfortunate run in with a cat.

-Review Replies:

DeeVC: :D Roxas' plan is cleeeever for such a simple-minded kid, if I do say so myself.

Kodachi Black Rose: D: Yeah, he is. But his original character is a little too serious for me.

Sarie Bear: xD Yeah, Larxene would probably give Sora a swirlie before giving him googlie-eyes. But she will probably show up in this story at one point or another.

secretsuperstar1234: :D Why, thank you.

Bubblegum Head: ((: Ahaha thankss. Kairi is dumb. What else would they be there for? Its a FOOD place. Gosh, Kairi, get a brain. D

Anya Urameshi: xD It made sense. I get whatchoo mean.

Oh, and the italics is signaling that its back to Roxas' basement, where he explains his 5 step program. Kay? Away, to the story!

* * *

"Axel, can we talk?"

Axel looked up from what he was currently doing. Which was standing half-naked, shoving his hand through the large, newly-acquired hole in his shirt, while Roxas dug through his bag for a unknown item. The hole had only appeared a few moments ago, when Axel had bent to help some poor fallen kid pick up his books, and the kid's glasses got stuck on the cloth of his shirt. After a few minutes of struggling, tugging, and cursing, they finally pulled the spectacles off the shirt, and in doing so, ripped a hole the size of Axel's fist right through the shirt.

Kairi was looking at him expectantly, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, hoping he had heard her question. Roxas victoriously pulled a portable sewing kit from within the depths of his bag. Axel raised a brow humorously. Roxas mummbled something about his mother, before pushing Axel towards Kairi with his foot.

The ex-couple awkwardly made their way to the hallway, where Kairi sat on a bench, softly patting next to her. Axel sat. There were a few uncomfortable moments of silence, in which they both stared at Kairi's hands. Kairi did so, probably because she was nervous about whatever she was going to say. Axel did so, because, he had to say, they were nicely manicured and folded neatly.

"So..."

Axel was pulled out of his Kairi-hand appreciation. He scratched his stomach, watching her expectantly to continue. Kairi's eyes followed his hand. Axel frowned at removed his hand, quite unhappy that her eyes didn't move from his bare torso.

"I still like you, Axel," she said, still staring at his tummy. "And I want you back."

* * *

Back at the ranch- an expression Axel always failed to understand- Roxas was patching up the hole in Axel's shirt. Several kids passed by him, giving him odd looks. Roxas swore he heard someone mutter, "Gay," under their breath. The blond didn't really care. He was busy attending to his currently bleeding finger with a tissue, the result of his terrible sewing skills. Stupid sharp needles.

His mother had indeed given him the sewing kit, telling him it was good to be prepared in case one day you have to make a pair of pants out of leaves in the jungle, or something of the sort. Roxas refrained from telling her that thread wouldn't hold the leaves together very well. He partly believed his mother's reasoning for giving her quite male son such a feminine gift, but also knew it was her subconciously feeding her dream of having a daughter. He could swear that was why she sometimes braided his hair. Not like she was weird or anything. Afterall, she was Roxas' mother. She couldn't be _that_ weird. Because seriously, Roxas didn't think _he_ was weird. And those kind of things ran through the family, right? Right, Roxas assured himself.

Roxas looked up when he heard footsteps stop in front of him. The blond vaguely recognized the kid currently towering above him. He had blond hair that was slighlty similar to Roxas', and the same blue eyes startling blue eyes. Roxas would have wondered if they were related, if he weren't so intent on figuring out why this guy was familiar. His name was something really ridiculous. Something not manly. Gah, Roxas wanted to smack his forehead for forgetting something so girly. Okay, so it was something that floated...flufffy...white...girly...

"You're Cloud," Roxas stated brilliantly.

"And you're Roxas," Cloud replied.

They stared dully at each other. Roxas tightened his grip on his tissue-covered finger. Cloud was a well-known senior, the one all the girls would swoon about. He was captain of the tennis team, much to Riku's displeasure, and was always on the honor roll. Roxas was quite proud of his extensive student-body knowledge.

Cloud blinked slowly and sat next to Roxas. They nodded to each other silently and Roxas finished his sewing.

* * *

Axel stared blankly at Kairi, doing a flattering impression of a dying fish. Kairi stared expectantly back at him. Axel was quite confused on what to do. Here he was, with the girl he had been sulking over for nearly a week, while she was begging for him back. And all he could do was imitate a fish.

The sound of someone clearing their throat turned Axel back into a posable-thumb-owning mammal. He frowned at the disembodied sound. He was pretty sure it wasn't from Kairi...whoever it was did it again. How rude.

He quickly took back the mental insult when he saw the throat-clearer was Roxas. The blond was standing in front of them, proudly holding Axel's holeless shirt in their faces. The only sign there had ever been a rip was the badly done stich job where it had been. Roxas' fingers were covered in bleeding dots.

When all they did was stare, Roxas frowned, excused himself and Axel, and pulled the redhead a few feet away. Kairi stared after them dumbly.

"I heard what she said," Roxas stated, raising his hand, which was still equipped with a sewing needle.

"Yes, and...?"

"So crush her!" Roxas' hand flailed dangerously, the needle glinting evilly in the fluorescent hallway light. Axel resisted the urge to step back. Roxas continued his rant.

"Axel, if you're going to go with the plan, crush her hopes and dreams to the floor!" Each word was punctuated with a frightening stab with the needle towards Axel's bare chest. This was odd, Axel thought. It was the most passionate Roxas had ever been about anything.

"That sounds a little cruel, Roxas."

The blond frowned, "And what she said to you wasn't cruel at all."

He jabbed the needle again, this time jabbing it a little too forward. The sharp tip happily buried itself in Axel's nipple. Everyone in the hallway seemed to go quiet at the action.

A surprised cry from Roxas broke the shocked silence. Axel stared down at his punctured nipple, where he had a new, needle-shaped extension. A droplet of blood sprouted forth and rolled down Axel's chest.

"Roxas..."

The blond paused in his panic at Axel's hushed voice. The redhead didn't look up from his bleeding nipple.

"Could you pull it out, please?"

Roxas complied, pulling out the sewing utensil gingerly. An uncomfortable silence filled the hallway.

"WHAT THE HELL, ROXAS?!" Axel was spazzing, wiping the stream of blood off his chest. "Did you seriously just stab my _nipple_ with a _sewing needle_?!'

"I'm sorry!" Roxas cried miserably. He was digging frantically through his bag, and pulled out a bandaid. He cautiously put it ontop of the injured spot on Axel's chest. He patted it softly, put Axel's shirt into his hands, and made his escape to a bench farther down the hallway.

Kairi was staring at Axel in a mix of anger and confusion. He made his way back to the bench and sat back down next to her. He rubbed his bandaged nipple gingerly. Kairi stared at it.

"Listen, Kairi," Axel took a deep breath, immediately regretting it because it stung his wounded nipple.

"It's not going to work between us. You really crushed me when you broke up with me before, and I'm just recovering."

Kairi looked like a beaten puppy.

"I just need to see other people, alright? I'm sorry."

Kairi got up silently, her fists shaking in quiet anger, "And I'm sorry for even caring and for even thinking that I liked you, Axel Jansen."

She turned snootily on her heel and marched down the hall, making the mistake of going by Roxas. The blond was having a full-body stretch on his bench, his legs dangerously far out. Kairi, in her anger, didn't notice them, and tripped.

She face-planted the floor.

Roxas jerked out of his stretch in an unappealing way, looking at down at her in surprise.

"Oh jeez, Kairi, are you all right?"

The girl slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position. Roxas tried not to grimace. The entire lower half of Kairi's face was covered in blood, which was blasting from her now-broken nose. Axel was looking from his spot down the hallway in shock.

Cloud happened to be walking out of the cafeteria. He looked down a the bleeding Kairi.

"Are you okay?"

Kairi burst into tears. Cloud looked helpless. Tears mixed with blood and made Kairi look, overall, unattractive and kinda gross.

"Take her to the nurse," Roxas suggested helpfully. The older male nodded and gingerly lifted Kairi to her feet.

Roxas waved at their retreating forms.

* * *

_"So this program is called M.O.J.O.!.," Roxas declared, "or just MOJO!, you don't have to say the dots."_

_Axel tried not to laugh in the blond's face. What a dumb name._

_"And the first step is M. And that means, Move on."_

_The redhead raised a brow, "Pardon?"_

_"Move on. Get over Kairi. She's just beating down your charm, and any chances you have at having a new girlfriend. Axel, you can't hide in closets forever."_

* * *

Sora stretched, his back cracking from sitting hunched over for so long. He and Riku had been playing video games for 3 hours straight. And he had been winning for 3 hours straight. He tried to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. Haha, Riku was so bad at video games.

The silverhaired boy was grumbling incoherently, his fingers clumsily hammering away at the buttons. His character was flailing uselessly, looking dumb. You think he would get how to work the game after 3 whole hours of playing it, but remain clueless, Riku did.

Sora set down his controller once the screen flashed, PLAYER 2 WINS. He was player 2.

"Come on, Riku. You can do better than that."

Riku scowled at him and punched him quite rudely on the arm.

Sora frowned at kicked Riku in the knee. Riku flicked him on the forehead. Sora removed his shoe and smacked Riku on the hand with it. Riku removed his own shoe and hit Sora in the ear.

They broke out into a full-on shoe fight. Bam, right in the face. A duck. A throw. A crash. A cat meowing in pain. And Sora's shoe missing from his outstretched arm.

Both boys paused.

Then raced to the now-broken window. Sora's shoe lay guilty on the grass below, next to what looked suspciously like a cat.

"Oh _shit_."

The two flew down the stairs and out the door, both kneeling by the limp-figured cat. Sora was devestated, tears now running down his face. "Oh my God, Riku, I killed him! I killed Mr. Fuzzy-Lips-N'-Socks!"

Riku tried not to laugh at such a ridiculous name. This is a serious situation, Riku. Be serious. Haha, but Mr. Fuzzy-Lips-N'-Socks? What kind of idiot names their cat _that_?

"He's the neighbor's cat, and oh God, I killed him with my shoe!"

Sora doubled over, burying his head in his hands. Riku patted his head sympathetically, grimacing as he pulled his hand back, covered in hair gel.

"Sora, I'm sure it's fine..."

"No, Riku, it's not! Mr. Fuzzy-Lips-N'-Socks is _dead!_"

Sora crawled over to the limp cat and pressed his face into the cat's fur. Riku guessed that's why the brunet didn't notice when green-cat eyes snapped open. He also guessed that was why Sora looked so startled when the cat jumped to its feet, hissed and left a nasty scratch on the brunet's face.

Sora cried out in pain and surprise. Riku stroked Mr. Fuzz-Lips-N'-Sock comfortingly. Mr. Fuzzy-Lips-N'-Socks purred.

After returning the cat to the neighbors, which was accompanied with a harsh scold from Sora's old lady neighbor ("Mr. Fuzzy-Lips-N'-Socks! You little troublemaker!"), Riku gave Sora a hug, bandaged his cheek, and sucked more at video games.

* * *

The final slap to Axel and Kairi's relationship was named Lexaus. Lexaus was a massive, unhygenic senior who pretty much hated everyone he came in contact with. And Axel despised him. So the shock that came to the redhead when Kairi came waltzing into the cafeteria, Lexaus telling her a story in a deep bellow, was too much for Axel.

He, Roxas, and Olette had been sitting at a table, Olette frantically whispering gossip to Axel, who was preoccupied with watching Roxas beat a world record. The blond had announced that he was able to peel, and eat, an entire orange in 30 seconds. Axel had to admit, he was impressed Roxas even managed to eat half of it before he started choking. The redhead had calmly patted Roxas on the back until a chewed half-orange sat on the tabletop, after launching itself from Roxas' throat.

Axel had then proceeded to laugh at Roxas as he stuttered an excuse as to why he couldn't do what he said he could. The redhead stopped when Kairi and Lexaus sat down.

An awkward silence filled the air. Olette stared wide eyed at Lexaus, his size overwhemling her tiny self. Roxas stared at the lunch trays placed in front of the intruders with something akin to lust. Axel stared at Kairi, who stared at him back. Lexaus ate his cheeseburger, slightly uncomfortable under Roxas' hungry eyes.

Axel broke the silence by clearing his throat, "Uhm, Kairi? Can I talk to you for a second...alone?"

His girlfriend nodded and Axel hastily led her a few feet away, where he began whispering frantically.

"Kairi, what the hell are you doing with that guy? He's bad news. You shouldn't get mixed up with him. I mean, one time, Roxas told me that when he was-"

"Axel..."

"-And then Lexaus like, lifted up the kid-"

"Axel."

"And he couldn't see for a week!"

"Axel!"

"Huh?" Axel stopped his rant.

"You don't know him, Axel. Listen, just mind your own business, okay? I can be friends with who I want to, and I would really appreciate it if you would accept that. You don't have to like him, but jeez, don't put down my friends right to my face!"

Axel stared at her wide eyed. After a few minutes of heavy silence, Axel got up and walked away.

The next time they talked was the time they broke up.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I didn't have a chance to spellcheck this. So bare with me. D:

I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon possible, but my friend is still here, so its hard for me to get chapters up.

xD Haha, Roxas is a destructive little guy, huh? A destructive little guy who can sew. Yeah. w

And poor Sora...not really the animal guy. I guess I'll write him and Riku their own story line. They're cool enough.

This will probably be the last of Kairi, at least for a while. Haha, stupid Kairi. You brought this on yourself. Except for your broken nose. That was kinda Roxas' fault. ..;

And yes, Cloud is kind of a random character. He doesn't really have a purpose, but I like him. ):

So is Lexaus. He's random too. But I don't like him and his bulging muscles. D:

Well, read, read, review, review. (:

Look forward to: Axel and Roxas go to the carnival in step 2 of Roxas' clever program, Sora and Riku take a trip to the mall, and Cloud gets a job.


	4. 4

:D Haha! Another chapter UP. And some AKUROKU. WOOOOOOOOO. Oh, and this chapter kinda jumps around alot. D: Sorry 'bout that.

-Reviews Answers:

secretsuperstar1234: D Haha! Kairi got what was coming to her. It's kaaaaarrrrmmmaaaa.

SarahXxUnlovedxX: That Roxas. Like a walking wrecking ball, he is.

Kodachi Black Rose: Akuroku, on the way :D Haha, Cloud is super cool. He has no real role in this story. He might later, but for now, he's just there to look cool.

Sarie Bear: D: Oh dear. Right you are. My bad, homie. LexaeusLexaeusLexaeus. D: Haha there may be a little Larxene-being-rude-to-Sora-ness, but no swirlies. Sora's hair is too cool for that.

Bubblegum Head: :D And you're supertastic.

pyrokenetic Axel: Haha, no Axel/Kairi here. Only Kairi/Broken nose/not really happy ending here. :D

Away, to the story!

* * *

_"The next step of MOJO! is the first O. Which stands for Ode to the Singles."_

_Axel _had_ to laugh at that one. Who even used the word 'ode' anyway?_

_Roxas frowned at Axel's chuckle, "Hey, I couldn't think of anything else that would work, all right?"_

_"Mhm, right," Axel replied with fake honesty, snorting in an unappealing way to keep from laughing again._

_"Anyway," Roxas continued crossly, "Ode to the Singles is simple. All you have to do is let people know you're single again."_

_"How are we going to do that?"_

_"Well, the carnival's in town."_

* * *

"No. Fucking. Way.'

"Awwh, c'mon Roxas!"

"Hell no, Axel. You know I hate them."

"It's not that big of a deal, seriously."

"It is for me!"

"Jeez, grow a pair and be a man!"

"I am a man! A manly man! With a manly pair!"

"Oh, yeah? Then drop your shorts and show 'em to me."

"..."

"Awwh, you look so cute when you blush, Roxy."

"...Shut up."

"Fine. Then get on the roller coaster!"

Roxas threw his arms up in the air, giving in, "Fine! But if I puke, it'll be _you_ I'm going to puke on."

Axel grinned deviously and slung an arm around Roxas' shoulders, "You'll be fine, Rox. And besides, I'll buy you some cotton candy afterwards"

The blond growled incoherently about liking cotton candy as Axel led him to the coaster, pulling him into the cart. Roxas ignored the fact that once they were seated, Axel intertwined their fingers. Roxas had tried to get the redhead to flirt with girls at the park, but Axel had ignored them and spent all his energy on his small, blond friend.

"I swear to God, Axel, if I die, I'll kill you."

Axel laughed and used his free arm to ruffle Roxas' hair. "Relax, Roxy. You'll do great. And if you get scared, I'm sure they won't mind if you sit on my lap."

Roxas rolled his eyes. Insert Axel-waggling-eyebrows-creepily here.

"Axel, keep the innuendo for whatever girls you find here, all right?"

Axel scowled faintly, but nodded. Roxas frowned. When did Axel ever scowl? The blond opened his mouth to inquire, but quickly shut it when the lapbar fell onto his thighs.

"OhGodohGodohGodohGod."

"Chill, Rox. I gotcha."

"Good. I like the blue kind."

"Blue kind?"

"Of cotton candy."

* * *

Cloud stared up at the sign blankly. "Help Wanted," stared back. The blond rubbed the back of his head and looked around. People buzzed around him in the mall, most ignoring him. A few spared him annoyed glances. He shrugged back at them.

He stepped into the store and took a quick glance around. It was a CD store, with bright, flashing televisions with popular music videos on them hanging from the ceiling. Cloud was proud to say that he was not weak-minded and was pretty immune to seizures from bright, flashing lights. Teenagers of all kinds crowded around the stands, with the occasional uniformed person walking by. Girls pointed out the blond and giggled amongst themselves. Cloud felt self councious. After giving them all awkward movements of the mouth, Cloud's best attempts at smiling, the blond made his way to a nearby employee, who was shifting around CD's boredly in a way made to look busy.

"Excuse me. I'm here to help."

The orange clad worker stared at him, "Huh?"

Cloud frowned. He hated having to explain himself. Words weren't for him. He pointed blandly back at the flashing "Help Wanted" sign. The worker had a look of realization.

"Oh, you want a job?"

The blond resisted the urge to say the ever-popular phrase of, "Duh." But decided it was too much effort, and much too cliche. Instead he settled for a nod.

"Well, come to the back. You can fill out an application and I'll set up an interview for you."

Cloud shrugged. An awkward silence insued, before the worker slowly began shuffling towards a back room, weirdly waving his hand around. Cloud guessed the guy wanted him to follow him. When they reached the back room, the worker handed Cloud a piece of paper, muttered something about getting the manager, and slipped away.

Cloud stared at the piece of paper. All the usual things a application would ask were there.

A cough came from the door. Cloud turned to see an attractive guy standing there, staring at him with a bored look. The blond frowned. He didn't do well with people who looked as bored as he felt. Then again, he had never met anyone as bored as he was. The guy in the doorway, who he presumed was the manager, was tan and muscular, with brown hair and weird scar across his face. Cloud suddenly felt jealous. He had always wanted a scar. It looked so manly. Cloud frowned. Now he felt like a little girl. Unscarred and unmanly. Stupid manager with his stupid muscles and stupid scar.

"Is that your application?"

Cloud frowned furthur, if that was even possible. The brunet even _sounded_ manlier than him! Afraid to speak due to his now considered girly voice, Cloud nodded. The manager raised a brow, walked over to the table, and picked up the paper. After staring at it, he looked up with a very, "hey-you're-kind-of-stupid" face.

"Why is it empty?"

Cloud cleared his throat, "Uhm, I didn't have a pen." Wow, trying to use a deeper voice didn't work out too well. Cloud was about to give in. He just wasn't a manly guy. No manly scar, no manly voice, no manly name. Life sucked.

The manager shrugged and pulled a pen out of his boring work pants.

"Fill it out after we have an interview."

Cloud shrugged.

"So what's your name?"

"Cloud Strife."

The manager raised a brow humorously. Cloud scowled. He better not be laughing at the blond's name. Clouds could be manly. They could be shaped like tigers, or gladiators, or other guy stuff like that. Ignore the fact they could be bunnies, or lady bugs, or a random fluffy shape.

The brunet continued, "Why do you want to work here, Mr. Strife?"

"Truthfully?"

"Yes."

"I don't."

The brunet stared wide eyed at him, "Pardon?"

"I just need a job. And orange doesn't look that bad on me."

The manager frowned and looked down at his own bright orange working shirt with the store's logo brandished on it. After a moment of silence, in which Cloud stared enviously at the manager's scar, and the manager regarded Cloud's blank application, the brunet stood up.

"Welcome to the staff of CD Party, Mr. Strife. My name is Leon. No Mr. there."

* * *

"But Riku, _please_ come with me!"

Riku cracked a lazy eye open, "Why do you have to go to the mall, Sora?"

The brunet flailed his arms around. Riku dodged a spazzing fist as it made its way towards him in its full circle rotation around Sora's body.

"_Because_ I have to get a present for my mother to make up for the broken window, because she'll be really mad that I broke it, especially since we just got all new windows, and I know she likes clothes alot, because she wears them every day, and..."

"Why do _I_ have to come?"

Sora frowned, "Because I like being with you." Riku was slightly shocked due to the "uhm-you're-kind-of-stupid-for-not-knowing-that" tone in the brunet's voice. Truth be told, he liked being with Sora too. Personally, Riku didn't think it had anything to do with the fact they had known each other for nearly their entire lives. Actually, he thought it was just 'cause Sora was cool. And Riku was cool. And cool people like to be with each other.

"Fine. I'll go. But we're not going in any women's clothes stores."

Sora beamed.

* * *

"Shut up, Axel."

Roxas rubbed the corner of his mouth with the back of his sleeve, frowning at the chunk of what he thought was chewed hot dog that came off. Axel rubbed the corner of his eye, laughing even harder at the tear stain left on his hand.

"Oh my God, Roxas. I can't believed you barfed all over those kids in front of us. Did you see that guy's face?"

"It wasn't funny, Axel."

Axel paused his laughter to stare at him disbelivingly, "Not funny? How was that not funny? You totally spewed all that food you ate earlier. That kid's hair was completely covered."

"Because I was the one who puked! Of course it wasn't funny for me!"

Axel attempted to somber himself, "You're right, Rox. It wasn't funny."

"Damn straight it wasn't."

Axel's throat strained with the effort of not laughing. Haha, puke on children. Funny. Always funny.

After a few minutes of silence, in which Roxas attempted to restrain the sloshing of his stomach and Axel wiped teas from his eyes, the blond stopped suddenly. Axel kept walking until he realized Roxas was no longer beside him.

"Rox?"

Roxas was pointing at a girl a few feet away, "How 'bout her?"

The girl was tall, nearly the same height as Axel, and had a pretty good figure. Axel decided that was the one thing that made up for her weird hairstyle. The girl was blonde, and Axel always liked those. Afterall, Roxas was blond. Yeah, Axel liked Roxas. He shook his thought back to the girl. So she was blonde, but had two weird strands of hair hanging back and kind of upwards. Like antennae.

"You mean the human cockroach?"

Roxas frowned and punched the redhead on the arm, "You're rude. She's pretty. Go talk to her."

Axel scowled and rubbed his bruise-forming arm, "Why should I?"

"_Because_ you have to! Otherwise you'll never get over Kairi, and you'll never get on with your life."

"I can so get on with my life without-"

"Axel, just go talk to her."

"All right, whatever."

* * *

"Do you think she'd like this, Riku?"

The silver haired boy stared boredly at the skirt his best friend was holding up. The two had spent the last hour in Pretty Slices, a women's store based off slices of a spectrum of fruit. Sora had dragged Riku from women's clothes store to women's clothes store, despite his promise to stray from such a place. Sora had sorted through racks of clothes, oblivious to people's stares, while Riku had leaned on a nearby counter looking cool. Cool but bored.

"I don't know."

"C'mon, Riku. That's what you've said for everything I've showed you."

"Dude, honestly, I don't know. I have no idea what your mom likes."

Sora groaned, "Neither do I. The only thing I know about my mom likes is bad music."

Riku's ears perked. Which was weird, because he always thought that movement was reserved strictly for nipples. Riku liked music. Huh, Riku mused. Sora's mom and I have more in common than I thought.

"We should get her some CD's then."

Sora beamed, "That's a brilliant idea!" He flung himself towards Riku, who resisted the urge to dive out of the way. A happy Sora could be a dangerous thing. He stayed stationary, however, and Sora wrapped himself around Riku's middle.

After freeing himself from the somewhat awkward hug, Riku lead a delighted Sora to the only CD store he knew in the mall. CD Party. The familiar scene of crowding teenagers and orange clad workers came into view. Several jaws went slack, most belonging to raving fan girls, as Riku and Sora entered the room. Whispers broke out, about Riku and that one girl doing that thing in that closet, or Sora saying that one thing to that one lady, or Riku and Sora doing that other thing in that car that night.

Sora stared at them all curiously, while Riku ignored them and looked for the nearest worker, when a voice came from behind. A sickeningly familiar, bored voice.

"Can I help you?"

Riku turned and scowled, "Cloud?"

The only sign of surprise the older teen showed was a slight raising of the eyebrows, "Riku. Sora."

Sora grinned happily and gave Cloud an unnessecary high five. Cloud blinked.

"Can I help you?" Cloud repeated, thinking about how high fives were so five years ago.

"Yeah. Sora, what music does your mom like?"

Sora rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "She likes opera."

Cloud shrugged and led them to the opera aisle. Which surprised Riku to some degree, considering he didn't think there were enough people in the world that likes opera to for the genre to have its own aisle. Cloud stood awkwardly a few feet away, watching them with a bored stare. After Sora spent a few minutes browsing through the selection, with Riku staring at Cloud with distase, the brunet finally pulled a particularily unappealing CD from the depths of the opera choices.

"She'll love it!" He declared happily, shoving it in Riku's face. Riku grunted, not really caring, and dragged Sora to the check out line. He was surprised to see Cloud standing there, staring boredly at them. How the hell did he get there? Riku wondered. He didn't even see the blond teen move from where he had been watching them blandly earlier. Maybe he was a teleporter. Riku then chose to stop thinking, realizing how lame his theory sounded, even in his head.

After Cloud collected the money for the CD and shoved the case in an obnoxiously orange bag, Riku pulled Sora out of the store, the brunet straining to hear what some girls a few feet were saying about what Riku and Sora supposedly did on Halloween night.

But the moment they stepped out of the store, alarms went off wildly, startling everyone near it. Sora jumped, clinging tightly onto Riku's arm. Riku winced as the bag on the brunet's arm swung and hit the silver haired boy in the stomach.

And before either of them to could turn back around into the store, a large, burly man jumped out of the shadows and mauled the friends to the floor. Riku stared up a him, shocked. The man grinned nastily back at them. After examining the guy's ugly outfit, Riku realized it was a security guard. In Riku's opinion, he looked more like a wrestler, but whatever. The guy was massive, with muscles bulging out of the too small uniform sleeves. He had wild dreadlocks that kept getting in Sora's eyes, and these crazy sideburns that almost reached his lips. His eyebrows were pretty gross too, Riku noticed, with the way they curved up all weird.

"So, you two think you can get away with stealing, did you?"

Riku gaped at him. He wriggled in the guy's grasp to look back at Cloud for help. Cloud knew they paid of the stupid CD! When his gaze finally got the counter, he frowned to see Cloud wasn't even paying attention to them. He was asleep. _Asleep_, Riku raged in his head, while _we_ get jumped by some crazy sideburn guy!

The man got off of them and pulled them to their feet by the collars of their shirts.

"I'm taking you two down to the security office. You can't beat the law."

They gaped at him.

* * *

A/N: Another chapter successfully finished. :D Its weird that I decided to write about a carnival. Because I went to an amusement park a few days ago, and I totally passed out before getting on this super cool rollercoaster. And I fell on some little kid in front of me.

And so Roxas barfed on some kid in front of him. Haha, recountance of my experience!

Enter Leon! :D Haha I love the guy. With his weirdly feminine manliness.

Anyway.

Look forward to: Riku and Sora have a talk with the police, Axel talks to the mysterious human cockroach, and Cloud gets a promotion.

Read, read, review, review. (:


	5. 5

D: So my friend left yesterday. Super duper sad. But I'll be able to get up chapters quicker than before. For this chapter, beware corny pickup lines. D:

-Review Answers:

SarahXxUnlovedxX: Ahaha, there's no one manlier than Roxas! Except maybe Leon. That guy's ripped.

CarbonBlack: Ohohoho, that Larxene is a violent one. She woudl probably attack Axel. Axel could take her. Maybe. Probably not.

Kodachi Black Rose: LOL that poor child! So we've both injured small innocent children. :D Awesome.

To the story!

* * *

"Are you lost ma'am? Because Heaven is a long way from here."

"Pardon?"

"Wow...do you have a map? 'Cause I'm lost in your eyes."

The human cockroach girl raised a brow and scowled, "Corny pick-up lines don't work on me, hon."

Axel chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, they don't really work on too many people. But it's worth a try, right?"

The girl shrugged and turned away. Axel shrugged too and turned back to Roxas. He had tried, right? Apparently, Roxas thought otherwise. The blond paused in the devouring of cotton candy to wave wildly at the girl's retreating form. 'Go after her!' he mouthed frantically. Axel frowned and let Roxas resume with his eating. Stupid Roxas with his stupid cotton candy and his stupid plan. Axel didn't even want to talk to this girl. He just wanted to sit while Roxas latched onto his side for another roller coaster ride. Yet, Roxas continued to insist that Axel talk to a girl, and Axel was forced to continued to ignore his want to just spend time with Roxas.

Axel half-jogged, half-fast-walked to catch up with the blonde girl. She frowned at him when he caught up to her, panting, but let him walk with her. After a few moments of awkward silence, in which Axel tried to catch his breath, and the girl decided whether or not to kick him in the balls and leave, Axel finally spoke.

"So...you come here often?" Wow, Axel. Way to display your conversational prowess. He mentally smacked himself.

"No...considering this carnival is only in town for this weekend...," the girl rolled her eyes and walked a little faster.

Axel increased his pace as well, "Yeah, well...you like carnivals?" The redhead frowned internally. Maybe Roxas was right. He did seem a little off his game when it came to talking to girls, lately. He used to be able to make a girl swoon within the first sentence. Now he couldn't even think of an interesting topic to charm her with.

Before the girl could reply with a sacarstic remark, a small child, surrounded by a posse of equally tiny friends, tripped and spilled his soda all over Axel's pants. Axel stared down the kid in disbelief. The kid smirked, and Axel was reminded of why he never wanted kids. The blonde girl had stopped too, face filled with intrest in how Axel would react.

"Hey Mr. The carnival called, they want their clown hair back."

The kid's friends giggled obnoxiously. The kid smirked even more, acting like hot shit.

Axel frowned down at his pants. Roxas had helped him pick out these pants. He scowled at the kid and flicked him on the forehead, "Yeah, and the past called. They want their joke back. Now scurry along and get me some napkins before the carnival gets a new freak with a messed up face."

The child's eyes widened and he and his friends raced to the concession stand. Axel smirked when he heard them ask for napkins in a hushed, shaken voice. He looked over at the blonde girl, surprised to see her grinning deviously at him.

"So you get a thrill from threatening small children?"

Axel sputtered, at a loss of words. He didn't see it that way! Those little freaks ruined his Roxas pants! They desereved it! He attempted to string together a coherent sentence, "It- pants- they- and- and- they- I- see- and- Roxas!"

The girl hooked her arm in his, "I like your style."

Axel stared at her, dumbfounded.

"How about you and me go for lunch or something?"

Axel nodded numbly.

"Great. Pick me up at 1:40 by the park. You know, the one next to Amoeba Records."

The girl scribbled down her phone number, tucked it into Axel's pocket and walked away.

The rehead stared after her retreating form, only snapping back to reality when Roxas walked up to him. Axel stared at Roxas. The blond was staring down at Axel's soda-soaked crotch. The redhead grinned.

"Like what you see, Rox?"

Roxas scowled at him and pulled the piece of paper poking out from Axel's pocket. He raised his brows at the number scrawled onto it, "So it was successful?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. What's her name?"  
Axel paused.

"What?"

Roxas stared at him disbelievingly, "You didn't get her name?"

"Oh, _shit_."

"Well, go after her!"

"Right."

Axel wanted to smack his forehead. How could he forget something as important as her name? Don't worry Axel, he told himself, it's just because those little freaks spilled soda on your cool pants. It's not like you're dumb or anything. These pants are just really cool. And that soda might ruin them. And then you couldn't wear them, because they'd be ruined. And then you wouldn't have a pair of cool Roxas pants! Don't fret, don't fret.

"Hey!"

The girl spun around, obviously surprised to see Axel standing in front of her, bent over and breathing heavily.

"Yes?"

The redhead held up a finger, trying to catch his breath. Running while fretting about being dumb was pretty exhausting, afterall.

"I- you- forgot...," he paused to swallow, "What's your name?"

The girl 'oh'ed and smirked, "Wow. Impressive way to remember something so important."

"Sorry."

"Forget about it."

A anticipating silence.

"So...?"

"So what?"

"Your name!"

"Ooh, right."

"Mhm..."

"It's Larxene. Larxene Aster."

"I'm Axel. Axel Jansen."

"..."

"Pardon me, Sir. Here are your napkins."

* * *

Sora felt like crying. He and Riku were currently sitting in a small, cramped police station office, with the wild man who had tackled them earlier staring at them, obviously very disappointed.

"Sorry boys. But you fought the law, and the law won."

That's what the police chief had said, before he left the two in the room with the security guard. Riku had, so far, sat quietly, giving Sora the occasional sideways glance. Sora never looked back at him. Once the guard who had tackled them, Officer Xaldin, as the police chief had called him, decided to leave the room for coffee- after giving them one last very disappointed look- Sora turned violently to his friend.

"This is all _your_ fault!"

Riku stared at him, dumbfounded, "How is this _my_ fault! If it's anyone's fault, its _your_ fault!"

"How dare you!"

"Well it is!" Riku threw up his arms, "You're the one who wanted to buy the stupid CD in the first place!"

"You're the one who started the stupid shoe fight!"

"And you're the one who had to go and be so good at video games that I got angry!"Sora was silent. He wasn't about to go and argue about that. He was quite good at video games. He frowned. Maybe he should stop playing them so often. Who knew they would land him in trouble with the police? He felt bad. He shouldn't have blamed Riku...it wasn't his fault he was so bad at video games. Sora reckoned he would get angry if he lost that many times too.

"Riku?"

"What."

Sora felt even more like crying. Riku never sounded so short with him. Because, because. He was _Sora_. Riku never got mad at _Sora_! He must've sniffled or made some weird sound or something, because Riku looked over at him. Sora tried to stop his eyes from tearing up. Men didn't cry! Sora thought about this, but then stopped. Hell, he didn't care if men didn't cry! He was man, and he knew it. And he knew he could cry if he damn well felt like it! He let a tear escape his eye. Riku looked guilty.

"I was just going to apologize for blaming you...it wasn't your fault. You're right. It was _my_ fault, for breaking the window in the first place."

Riku sighed and beckoned Sora over. The brunet scooted his chair closer. The silver haired boy put his arm around his friend's shoulders and let Sora sniffle into his shoulder. Which he kinda regretted, because his shirt was cool, and now it was covered in Sora-snot. He shrugged inwardly. He didn't mind Sora-snot that much. As long as the name Sora was in front of the word snot, it wasn't so bad.

"It's not your fault, Sora. If it's anyone's fault for us being here, it's Cloud's. Stupid guy didn't check the CD right."

Sora 'duh'ed in his head. Of course it was Cloud's fault! And then he had the nerve to fall asleep while Sora was being body slammed to the floor by a giant!

"Yeah, he is pretty dumb."

Riku grinned. One more thing they could have in common! A hatred for Cloud.

The door opened, causing both of them to look up curiously. Officer Xaldin was standing in the doorway, holding a stack of papers. He held gave them his disappointed look again, before sitting down behind the desk. He set the papers down on the surface and slid them over to the friends.

"This is a set of forms I would like both of you to sign. We'll discuss your punishments when your parents arrive."

Sora bit his lip. His mom would be so angry. First he broke a window, next, he hit a cat with his shoe, and then he got in deep shit with the police. "I didn't raise you this way, Sora Martin!" She would say angrily. Roxas would laugh at him, tell him he was dumb for stealing an opera CD of all things, and he and Axel would never let Riku and Sora live the event down.

Sora took the pen that Officer Xaldin held out for him. He stood so and looked closely at the print, holding the pen unconciously like a weapon in his hand.

Riku sat, watching Sora lean over the papers, bored. There was apparently only one pen, so he'd be stuck sitting here. Officer Xaldin was staring at him, and Riku knew that the security guard expected him to be thinking about what he'd done. Little did the securtiy man know, however, was that Riku was actually thinking of how cute Sora's butt looked in those pants. Mmm, Sora.

His Sora-butt-appreciating thoughts were pulled away, however, as he felt a tickling on his nose. He rubbed at it furiously, upset to find that the itch was on the inside, not the out. Oh boy, here it came.

Aa...aa...**aaaCHOOOOOOOOOOOOO.**

Now, regularily, Riku would be very proud of how manly that sneeze was. Usually, the sneezes he would emit were either sounded high and squeaky, or just plain gross. But this one was deep and manly. But apparently, it was _too_ deep and manly.

Sora was in the middle of getting the pen ready to sign his name, when Riku sneezed his very manly sneeze. The brunet squeaked in surprise, and his arms went flailing. Unfourtunately, his pen hand went flailing right into the eye of the shocked Officer Xaldin.

Both friends stared as the giant man went soaring backwards, clawing at his eye in pain and roaring angrily.

**"YOU JUST ASSUALTED AN OFFICER, BOY!"**

Sora stared in shock. Riku, however, noticed the open door. And clear pathway to outside. He jumped to his feet, and grabbed Sora's forearm.

"Sora, hurry!"

**"YOU WILL BE SENT TO JUVENILE DETENTION, YOU DELINQUENTS!**"

That was the last thing Sora heard before Riku dragged him outside the police station. The last thing he heard before he officially became an outlaw.

* * *

"Mr. Strife."

"..."

"Mr. Strife..."

"..."

"Mr. Strife!"

"..."

"CLOUD."

"Wuh?"

Leon frowned down at the blond, who had only woken up from his nap on the countertop when Leon smacked the back of Cloud's head. He had been off-duty when the two shoplifters had been caught by the handy Officer Xaldin, but from what his newest, and quite nervous, intern had told him, Cloud had slept through the whole fiasco.

"What's this I hear about you getting two guys arrested?"

Cloud grumbled and lifted his head. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve and blinked blearily up at his manager.

Any normal person would have succumbed to the sheer cuteness of the scene, with Cloud's strangely big blue eyes staring innocently up at them. But Leon was no normal person.

"I said, why did you get two guys arrested."

Cloud frowned, feeling offended. He hadn't done anything wrong. He'd helped out that Riku kid, and then taken a nap. He didn't know naps were against the store rules.

"What two guys?"  
Leon looked down at his clipboard, where details from Officer Xaldin were scribbled, "Some guys who were in here around 3:30 p.m. One of them had silver hair, the other had brown. Names were Riku Moretti and Sora Martin."

"Holy shit, they got arrested?"

"For stealing a CD."

"No way..I helped them find a CD."

"Yes. Yes, you did."

Cloud was surprised, "I could see Riku stealing something, but not that Sora. He seemed like such a nice kid."

"I hear you were the one who didn't check out the CD properly."

Cloud looked taken aback, "I checked it just fine! I even checked that I checked it."

Leon shrugged, "Well, they're being taken down to the station, anyway. But I can't have people falling asleep on the job, Mr. Strife..."

Cloud shrugged. Now that he knew he didn't get those guys into jail, he was back to being his emotionless self. Because he couldn't deal with the guilt if he was the one who was responsible for the years they might serve in juvy. No way. He bet not even Leon could deal with that guilt. Speaking of Leon...the guy was talking at him. He supposed he should pay attention.

"...And something like that might really happen. So I don't want you working at the cashier for a while. Just walk around and help people find stuff."

Cloud nodded. He felt like he'd just been promoted.

* * *

A/N: Hah, silly Cloud. You were actually **de**moted. Lol. You suck.

So yes. Axel and Larxene have a little something something. A something something that I swear to you, will not work out. Because Axel is gay for Roxas. Aight?

And Sora and Riku are OUTLAWS. O:

But all in all, I don't really like this chapter. I'm not sure why, but I had alot of trouble writing it. Anyways.

So look forward to: Axel and Larxene go out for lunch, Roxas is sneaky and follows them, Sora and Riku try to find a place to hide from the police, and Cloud and Leon have a moment. A special moment. One that warms your heart. Not really.

**Hutch does not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. Hutch also does not own Amoeba Records. Unfourtunately. Kay?**

Read, read, review, review. (:


	6. 6

* * *

Gah. Beware: I don't like this chapter. Nothing bad happens or anything, I just don't like it. LFJADLFJADLKFJ.

-Review Answers:

SarahXxUnlovedxX: Haha, I love bad pickup lines. But it's hard to find some that don't include sexual innuendo. Because I doubt Larxene would stand for hearing that.

Rapid Motion: Sorry if me beating up on Kairi bugs you. D: She just irks me. But I'm a pretty not-hardcore person who hates to see people unhappy, so she'll probably get a pretty decent ending in her story of life.

Kodachi Black Rose: :D I totally took your brilliant idea of trash cans and adding some Akuroku-ness. I have no real plan for this story, I kinda just make stuff up as I go. So your suggestions help a whole super lot. (:

Away, to the story!

* * *

"_Holy shit._"

"Shut it."

Roxas stared Axel's face, in awe, "But dude, Axel. I mean, holy shit!"

Axel scowled, a thing he seemed to be doing a lot of lately.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's ridiculous."

"So like. It doesn't hurt or anything?"

"Nope. No itch. No pain. Its just there."

Roxas whistled, examining Axel's undereye, which was considerably swollen. Instead of the bridge of the redhead's nose sloping down like most people's, Axel's had inflated to the point where there was no distinction as to where his nose began. Roxas poked the swollen skin. Hah. It felt like rubber. Gross.

Roxas had been cleaning out his refridgerator- which in Roxas' case means eating everything there was inside it- when Axel called, sounding panicked. Before Roxas could even ask what was wrong, Axel was at his door, screeching about his eye being swollen and about how today was his date with Larxene. That was at about 10:00 A.M. It was now about 12:00 P.M. And they only had an hour and fourty minutes to fix Axel's horrible deformed eyeball.

Roxas looked down at a half-eaten sandwhich lying on the countertop, looking delicious. The blond ignored the fact that it was lying on the probably dirty bathroom counter, with visible bite marks in it. It was probably Sora's. Or Riku's. It was weird. Riku left food lying about their house. Roxas always ate it.

He debated on whether or not to finish the sandwhich. Axel's inflated undereye was pretty sickening. He might have lost his appetite. He shrugged. Want not, waste not. He took a bite, and was pretty glad he decided to eat it. It was _awesome_.

"Sora's a good cook," Roxas commented, his mouth full of delicious sandwhich-ey goodness.

Axel, on the other hand, was not in the mood to converse about Sora's cooking skill.

"Dude, Roxas! What the hell am I supposed to do? My date with Larxene's in like, an hour, and my eye looks like _this_!"

Roxas shrugged helplessly. Hell if he knew what to do. His undereyes were perfectly normal. They were smooth and awesome. Except the occasional black ring that would be there if he couldn't sleep. But those weren't too common.

He nibbled on a bit of cucumber thoughtfully. He wasn't really a person with too many problems. That was lucky.

He frowned and looked over at Axel, who was digging through his pocket for something. Now there was an unlucky person if he ever met one. Because really? Getting dumped in the middle of the cafeteria by your girlfriend, getting stabbed in the nipple, and getting random swollen eyes wasn't what Roxas would call lucky.

The only lucky that had ever happened to Axel, in Roxas' opinion, was meeting Roxas on the first day of high school. Boy, oh boy, what a stroke of luck. He frowned, tasting tomato, and realizing just how arrongant he sounded in his head. This was why he never talked much out loud. Most of the conversing he did went on inside his head.

Which some may consier a little weird. But Roxas didn't think so.

"Fuck...," Axel flipped his phone number, fingers clumsily flying across the keys. A few seconds of silence filled the tiny bathroom, as Axel's cell phone- which was a really awesome blue color, in Roxas' opinion- reached out for whomever it was the redhead was calling.

The entire situation was a bit bizzare, Axel realized, looking back on it while he waited for someone to pick up. He was standing in a small bathroom with Roxas. A perfect opportunity to have some good old fashion lovin'.

If not for the fact Axel's face looked like a half-inflated balloon, or the fact Roxas seemed more intrested in an old sandwhich than Axel's face. Which wasn't entirely true. Roxas was busy contemplating on how Axel's face might be ruined forever by his hideous new swelling. That would be bad. Axel had a nice face. A very nice, attractive face. Roxas liked Axel's face.

_"Hello?"_

"Olette?"

_"Axel? How are you? I haven't seen you since Kairi broke up with you. Are you all right? Have you been sleeping? Have you been eating? Have you seen Roxas? If he's with you, don't let him eat your food. How-"_

"Listen, Olette. I need your help. NOW."

_"Is everything all right?"_

"You'll see when you get here, okay?"

_"I'm on my way."_

* * *

"Sora! Riku! Been a while, dudes!"

Riku pushed his way past Tidus, pulling a dazed Sora into the blond's house.

"Tidus, Sora and I are going to have to stay here for a bit."

Tidus stared at them, confusion filling his face. He watched as Riku dashed around the room, hastily pulling all the curtains closed and making sure the rooms were empty. The tanned blond shrugged.

"Just as long as you don't bug Selphie and I too much. She's coming over in like, I dunno. 10 minutes?"

Riku waved a dismissing hand at him, "Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever. Now, do you have a-"

Before Riku could finish his question, a thud was heard. The silver haired boy spun around to see Tidus passed out on the floor, snoring away happily. Riku wanted to smack himself. How could he forget Tidus was a narcoleptic?

"Sora, come help me with this. He passed out in front of the door, and I have to close it."

Sora stayed where he was, staring at Riku intently. Riku frowned and wiped at his face. Maybe he had some sweat or something equally as gross on it. Ew. Riku hated sweat.

"What."

"Riku...why did we run?"

The silver haired boy paused with his tugging on Tidus' limp leg, "Because we would have gone to jail,and I'd probably be with some huge creeper guy who planned to rape me up the butt-"

"No, I mean, why did we run? We could have just explained the whole pen in the eye thing was an accident. I mean, you did sneeze pretty loud. Who wouldn't be surprised?"

Riku frowned. Sora was actually right. Which kind of bewildered Riku. Usually _Riku_ was right. He rubbed his head. He must've smacked his cranium on the floor when Officer Xaldin decided to tackle them for theft. Riku looked up at Sora. The brunet looked pretty upset. He looked nervous and confused and lost. Riku sighed and stood up from where he was kneeling by Tidus' foot.

"C'mere, you," he beckoned Sora over. The brunet shuffled over and Riku hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry I got you into this, Sora. I'm such a sore loser...it's not your fault you're so good at video games."

Sora sniffled into Riku's collarbone, "You're right. You are kind of a sore loser."

Riku chuckled into Sora's hair. He was by now used to the familiar smell of hair gel and sweat that was in Sora's spikes. They stood like that for a while. Usually it would've been kind of awkward. Just standing there, hugging, sweaty and panting. After stabbing a police officer in the eye and stealing an opera CD.

And it was probably a lot odder to Selphie, who walked into the room at that moment. To see her boyfriend passed out on the floor with two sweaty guys sharing a man-hug. After staring wide-eyed at the scene for several minutes, she decided to say exactly what was on her mind, instead of ripping off their balls. Because really, she could go to jail for that, you know.

"What the hell is going on here?"

* * *

"Agh! Roxas, get the Hell away!"

"But I'm trying to help!"

"But that thing is scalding hot! That fucking _kills_!"

"Dude, it'll help. I promise."

Olette walked towards the arguing cautiously, raising a brow suspicioulsy to see that it came from the bathroom. She had arrived, expecting to see Axel in tears over Kairi, with Roxas watching in disgust. She certainly was not expecting to be greeted by the sight behind the restroom door.

Roxas was straddling Axel's hips, pinning one wrist down with great effort. The other was hanging in the air, equipped with a steaming wash cloth in hand. Axel's free wrist was holding up Roxas' arm, the redhead's face red with extertion from saving his face. Which, by the way, was still quite bloated.

"Roxas? Axel?"

Roxas stopped in his assult on Axel's face to pivot his torso, "Oh, hey Olette."

Axel screamed up at her, trying to push Roxas off his hips. The kid was a lot heavier than he looked.

"Olette! Thank God! Roxas has lost his fucking mind!"

Olette sighed. She wasn't sure why she expected anything different from the two. Afterall, it wasn't like they were your typical, run-of-the-mill friends that everybody had.

"Roxas, get off Axel for a second. It's indecent and kind of awkward. Axel, just sit on the counter, all right? I have to look at your eye."

Roxas reluctantly crawled off Axel's hips and the redhead scrambled to his feet. If not for the boiling hot cloth that had been threatening to disfigure his already bloated face, Axel would have quite enjoyed that moment. A warm little Roxas body happily situated on his hips? Oh yeah. Axel liked that. But the stupid cloth had to go and ruin it.

Axel hopped onto the counter, swinging his legs childishly while Olette softly rubbed her thumb over his swollen undereye. She tutted her tongue and stepped back. Axel took a deep, nervous breath. He hoped she wasn't going to say he was permenantly disfigured, or that his face would explode or something equally as horrendous and life changing.

"Roxas was right, Axel. You need to put a cloth on that."

"What?!"

"It'll help with the swelling. I swear."

Axel frowned. Even more so when Roxas stepped forward, beaming at being right, ready to jam the wash cloth onto his face. Olette sighed at Axel's obvious discomfort and gently took the fabric from the blond boy. Roxas' face fell, but he shrugged and sat on the toilet. Olette spoke softly.

"Now this is going to be hot, all right? But bear with it."

Axel winced but nodded. The brunette gently placed the cloth onto Axel's eye. The redhead hissed. It felt like his fucking skin was melting off.

In fact, the pain was so great that he actually almost didn't notice when he felt a hand slip into his. The hand squeezed reassuringly. What the hell? He was pretty sure it wasn't Olette holding his hand...her hands were on his face, pressing the burning cloth to his eye.

That only left...Axel looked down with his good eye, and saw a small, pale appendage wrapped in his own. His eye traveled up the arm that was connected to the hand, and he almost fell off the counter when he saw that it was indeed Roxas who grabbed onto him.

Roxas was looking down at his own lap, but was clinging quite tightly onto Axel in what he hoped was a comforting manner. The redhead looked back at their intertwined hands, and even overlooked the fact that there was a spot of mayonaise from Roxas' earlier sandwhich.

Because this moment was just that great. Because Roxas was holding his hand. Willingly. It didn't matter that he had a swollen eye, just before a date. Or that Roxas' hand was getting mayonaise all over his. Or that Olette was pressing a scalding hot wash cloth onto his eyeball.

Because Roxas was holding his hand.

* * *

"Mr. Strife?"

Cloud looked up from the CD's he was stacking onto the shelves. He was currently on a ladder, in the backroom of CD Party, feeling quite happy about his recent "promotion". He looked down to see Leon staring up at him.

"Hm?"  
"Can I talk to you?"

Cloud shrugged. He clambered down from the ladder with absolutely no grace. Leon didn't seem to notice. But Cloud noticed something was off about the brunet. Afterall, somebody had to notice things around here. Good thing Cloud was so observant.

Leon shifted feet awkwardly. He seemed to be avoiding Cloud's eyes, and was concentrating quite intently on the boxes on the shelves.

When about a minute passed in silence, in which Cloud stared at Leon's scar jealously and Leon stared at a box like it was the most interesting thing in the room- which Cloud hoped it wasn't, since he didn't want to be less interesting than a box- Cloud got tired of waiting.

"What can I do for you?"

Leon seemed quite startled at the question. He contemplated it, still staring at the box. What could Cloud do for him?

Well, he could do a lot of things. But he was sure Cloud wouldn't appreciate if he told him about those things, considering they had to do with sweating, panting, moaning, and things that should be censored from children.

But instead of voicing these things, the brunet cleared his throat, pointed at the box and said,

"You can put these boxes in the right order, Mr. Strife."

* * *

_"All right, so the third step of this amazingly planned program is the J. Which stands for Joy. This is the part where you try out the girl enough to see if you actually like her enough to ask her on a for-serious-serious date. Its just a test run. But if it works, then you're on to the next step."_

* * *

"All right. So your eye is looking fine. Your hair looks somewhat tame. And your clothes are super cool, because I picked them out."

"Right."

"So are you ready?"

Axel paused. That was a good question. He didn't really feel like seeing Larxene, actually. He kinda just wanted to hang out at his house with Roxas and hold his hand and maybe, if he was lucky, they would make out. But the blond seemed hell-bent on getting Axel on this stupid date. And if it would make Roxas happy, Axel supposed he could grin and bear it.

"Yeah, I guess."

Roxas felt a bit guilty at Axel's slightly depressed tone. Truth be told, Roxas didn't really want Axel to go on this date either.

Not only because Roxas had a plan to secretly hide out and spy on him while he ate delicious food, but also because he didn't want Axel to hang out with anyone else, really.

Which sounded extremely selfish to Roxas. He knew how much Axel was hurting after the whole Kairi debacle, so he took all a lot of time to come up with his awesome 5 step program to help Axel feel better and maybe get a cool girlfriend.

But something he would never admit was, well. He was actually glad Axel and Kairi broke up. That meant Axel could spend more time with _him_. Axel would always have brought Kairi along with he and Roxas planned to hang out, and most of the time, all Axel would talk about was Kairi. Kairi, Kairi, Kairi.

Never Roxas.

Well, it was sometimes Roxas.

But mostly Kairi.

All Roxas wanted was a little buddy buddy time with Axel.

And to a way for him to repent for being so selfish, Roxas pushed the program onto his friend, even though he knew Axel probably didn't want to do it. Personally, Roxas wouldn't want to do it either.

He would probably make his date pay the bill, and probably end up eating her food. He wasn't too much of a charming guy.

The blond grinned.

"Good. Now there she is, on the corner. Go get 'em, tiger."

Axel smiled softly and ruffled Roxas' hair, "Don't ever. Ever. Say that again."

* * *

"So, Larxene..."

Roxas winced as he felt a stick stab him savagely in the rib. He retaliated by breaking it in two. Hah. Take that, stupid twig.

Roxas was currently hiding in an overgrown bush, watching Axel and Larxene stroll by on their way to the Bingo Cafe. And he felt pretty foolish.

When he had planned to secretly follow Axel on his date, Roxas had thought it would feel cool to hide in bushes and shit. Like a secret agent. Or a ninja. Yeah, ninjas were awesome.

But as he felt a leaf creep its way down the back of his pants, Roxas decided this is _not_ what being a ninja would feel like. And if it was, then he most certainly did _not_ want to be a ninja. Because this was uncool.

He was grateful when Larxene and Axel finally decided to hurry the Hell up and get to the cafe.

A bored looking waiter, who Roxas recognized from school, led them to a table. The kid's name was Hayner, or something equally as weird. Roxas knew that Olette hung around him alot, but he had never met the guy personally. He wasn't sure he wanted too. Because, dude. Look at that _hair_. It was as weird as his name.

Roxas freed himself from the bushes, despite their attempts at trapping him by grabbing at his shirt. He emerged, grunting as he pulled a branch from the front of his pants, and tried to walk into the restaraunt as inconspicuously as possible.

Since Hayner was currently, and quite unhappily, Roxas noted, handing Axel and Larxene menus, he didn't notice as Roxas snuck forward.

Bingo Cafe was a small, outdoor place, with only a few workers. And because of the lack of staff, there was no one around to yell at Roxas for just sneaking in.

But Roxas' luck ran out when Pence, another kid Olette hung around when she wasn't with Axel and Roxas, exited the kitchen.

Roxas noticed the guy was kinda flubby, but at least he had more decent hair than Hayner. Hah. He couldn't even say the name without snorting in laughter.

The chubby kid was currently looking down at the trays he was holding with great concentration while walking directly towards Roxas.

Suddenly in a panic at being discovered- Roxas reckoned Axel would castrate him for spying- the blond scanned the area for somewhere- _anywhere_- to hide. His eyes landed on a trash can to his right.

Was it worth it? To jump in a disgusting, small and decaying-food filled can to avoid being castrated?

Pence was almost in front of him. Roxas made his decision.

He dove into the trash, for once grateful for being as petite as he was. He supposed sitting in food was better than being penis-less.

After shifting about in the half-eaten food for a few good minutes, trying to not be upside down in rotting food, the blond finally was sitting up right, and was able to see out of a quite convenient hole in the plastic can.

Roxas fitted one blue eye to see directly out of the can, and was happy he had a perfect view of his best friend.

His happiness didn't last long.

Axel looked nervous, and seemed to be stuttering out a story, rubbing the back of his head- a thing he did when he was uncomfortable.

Larxene was smiling at him in a sickeningly sweet manner, and was resting her chin on one hand.

The other hand was- Oh HELL no.

Roxas felt his face grow red with anger. The blonde girl's other hand was intertwined with Axel's, her thumb softly rubbing the redhead's skin.

And as a passerby threw a crumpled napkin onto Roxas' head, the blond stopped his rage to wonder why he was so angry.

He had seen Axel and Kairi hold hands all the time. Hell, he'd seen them devouring each other's tonsils. But that was before they broke up.

That was before Roxas realized he might have a chance to for once have Axel all to himself. That was before he went as far as to hide out in trash cans that smelled like decaying children to make sure Axel had a good time on a date- even if he did end up getting really mad that the date felt the need to make physcial contact with the redhead. That was before he realized, he was actually kind of jealous of Larxene.

And just as Roxas realized his little problem- you know, the one about liking your best friend a little more than you should even though you totally set him up on a date with a girl who is obviously really into him- an angry customer threw his food away.

And his food happened to be an over-ripe mango, which landed with a disgusting _squish_ right onto Roxas' head.

"What the _fuck?_"

* * *

A/N: D: JEEZ. I have no idea why, but I _detest_ this chapter. Its not enough dialogue, but I kinda realized that there was virtually no Akuroku in this story except for Axel's strange obsession with our favorite little blond. GJDGALDJFLADFKJ.

Oh well.

And that really weird thing going on with Axel's eye? That happened to me. It was really really weird. And that wash cloth is really hot. D:

Mm, and by the way. Its called undereye here, because really? I have no fucking idea what that thing under your lower eye lid is called.

You know, right above your cheekbone but right below your eyelid. Yeah.

Sora, Riku, and Cloud had tiny Tic-Tac sized bits in here. Sorry about that. I just had to finish this chapter before I shot myself in the face.

AND YESSSS. I have entered Tidus! And yes, he is narcoleptic. :D I have a soft spot for that tanned little dude.

Look forward to: Roxas meets Larxene, Sora and Riku meet Tidus' angry girlfriend, and Cloud and Leon go out to a movie.

So read, read, review, review. (:


	7. 7

-Review Answers:

Kodachi Black Rose: Ahaha, I sort of took your Larxene-being insulting idea. But Axel will have to yell at her later. He will. I promise. D:

Sarie Bear: (: Ehehe, thank you.

SarahXxUnlovedxX: :P I wouldn't want to be a ninja if twigs got down my pants either. And thank you :D

CarbonBlack: Thanksssss homie.

Rapid Motion: What can I say? Roxas would probably eat food off the ground if it wasn't too dirty.

STOOOORRRRRRY TIME KIDDIES.

* * *

Silence had overtaken the cafe. Axel and Larxene stared in shock at the trash can, which had not too long ago uttered words. Words not of the appropriate fashion.

Axel had been in the middle of brilliantly bullshitting a story to Larxene, which apparently, she liked, because she'd been doing some weird circle thing with her thumb on the back of his hand. Personally, he didn't think he was being too smooth with his charm, and was looking forward to the date being over, so he could hang out with Roxas and hold his hand and stuff.

But then his awkardly put together story had been quite rudely, though appreciated, interrupted by a graceful, "What the _fuck_?" from a nearby trash can.

Axel's waiter, a blond haired boy with an obvious dislike for his job, cautiously approached the can.

"Hello? Is somebody in there?"

A moment passed, before a voice hesitantly spoke out from within the garbage.

"No."

The waiter, who Axel recalled had introduced himself as Hayner, frowned at the can's answer.

"Really?"

The can paused again, "Yeah, really. Nobody in here but napkins and decaying food."

Axel raised a brow. He knew that voice. It was the voice that would laugh at him when he got hurt, or would ask for a triple cheese burger at the Grease Burger.

Axel got up, but was stopped by Larxene's hand trapping his arm in a steel grip. Holy shit, did this girl have a strong grip. Axel decided he would have to work out when he got home. He wouldn't want a girlfriend who was stronger than him, no matter how sexist that sounded.

He looked back at his date, and was surprised to see Larxene's eyes narrowed in anger.

She harshly pulled Axel back into his chair and boldly walked up to the garbage, pushing Hayner out of the way.

Axel frowned down at his arm, which donned Larxene-finger impressions on it.

The blond girl reached into the trash uncerimoniously, grabbed hold of something, and yanked. Axel, though he thought he recognized the voice, could never have been that brave. Pulling ominous things out of a trash can? Yeah, not something that was up Axel's alley.

A gasp of pain was emitted as a kid emerged from the can, his hands scrabbling at Larxene, trying to get her to release her grip on his hair.

He was covered in half eaten food, and...was that mango Axel spied in his hair? Grosssssssss.

"Shitshitshitshit, let the _fuck_ go."

Axel stared, definite recognization dawning. "Roxas?"

The blond boy's eyes snapped over to him in panic, but were pulled away as Larxene pulled harder on his hair and ripped his head back. Roxas hissed. That HURT.

She scowled at his face. Roxas scowled back. The blond girl put her lips to his ear and hissed into it.

"Little boys shouldn't use such language. Nor should they _spy_."

Roxas squirmed uncomfortably, feeling like his scalp was going to rip.

"What the hell? Get away from me!"

Larxene looked at him in disgust, and threw him to the floor. Roxas gasped in pain as his leg got caught on the edge of the can, twisting it in a way it wasn't supposed to twist. Axel shot up from his chair. Nobody threw _his_ Roxas around like that. Yeah, he said _his. His, his, his._

"Hey, hey! Watch it, that's my best friend you're throwing around there!"

The redhead rushed over to where Roxas laid, pulling him close to his chest and into a sitting position. Larxene looked down at them, an incredibly condescending expression across her pretty face.

Axel frowned and pulled a crumpeled napkin out of Roxas' hair.

"Rox? You all right?"

Roxas winced as he shifted, his leg twisted at a weird angle. Damn, that hurt like Hell. He cleared his throat.

"No. I think my leg is fucked."

Axel frowned. What were you supposed to do with fucked legs? He sure hadn't learned _that_ in Health Class.

Larxene was watching the scene, with something akin to revulsion spread across her features.

"Well isn't that just sweet?" She said in a sickengingly fake sweet voice.

Roxas growled, throwing himself forward at her, fully planning to maul her legs that were within reach. Stupid bitch twisted his ankle! If it wasn't for Axel's arm grabbing him and holding him back, Roxas was sure he could have ripped apart _her_ leg with his bare hands. But from the cautious look he got from the redhead, and from Pence who was stationed by the phone, Roxas supposed that wasn't the best idea.

Axel seemed to have made a decision as to what to do about this entire debacle.

He carefully picked up Roxas bridal style, ignoring the blond's protests and criticisms of how he was holding his leg, and turned to his date.

Roxas glared at her from where he was snuggled against Axel's chest.

"Hey, Larx. I'll catch up with you later, all right? I'm going to take Roxas to my house, and call the doctor from there."

She shrugged and threw a disgusted look at Roxas, who was toying with a stray strand of Axel's bright hair.

A few seconds passed, before Axel remembered the importance of inroductions.

"Oh! Roxas, this is Larxene. Larxene, this is my best friend Roxas. Hah. In case you two didn't catch each other's names."

The blonds glared at each other.

* * *

"Explain. Now."

Sora stared up at the girl, fright etched across his face. Riku grabbed his hand consolingly.

They'd recently been seperated from their heart-warming-hug-moment when a very angry girl burst into the room, almost tripping on the still-sleeping Tidus in the proccess.

After throwing several random- and very heavy, Riku noted- objects at their heads, the girl had finally calmed down enough to give Riku and Sora a chance to explain. And though she had subdued herself enough to not castrate them, she was, by no means, calm. And they had sat on the couch, staring at one another in silence ever since.

"Look, lady. We're friends of Tidus'. He was going to let us crash here for a while, but he had a narcoleptic fit and kind of left us hanging." Riku finally broke the silence, tired of the way the girl was glaring at Sora, who was staring back in terror.

Sora didn't like people being mad at him. Riku didn't like people being mad at Sora either.

"How do I know that?" the girl retorted angrily. "How do I know you didn't just break in and beat the conciousness out of my boyfriend?"

Riku threw up his hands in frustration, "Do we look like the kind of people to just break in?"

The girl studied them scrutinizingly for a few seconds. She pointed at Sora.

"He doesn't. But I wouldn't put _you_ above it."

Riku glared, but before he could growl out a response, a groan was heard from the doorway.

Tidus lifted his head, blinking a few times to focus his vision. Where the hell was he? He paused, trying to think. What had he been doing again? Narcoleptic fits always fuzzed up his brain.

"Tidus!"

The tanned blond's head snapped to his living room, where a girl was apparently reprimanding two kids, who looked vaguely familiar...

"Selphie! Riku! Sora!"

* * *

"Wow, I didn't know you could cook, Roxas."

The blond shrugged, leaning heavily upon his one working foot.

That stupid Larxene girl had twisted his ankle, but not to the point that Roxas had to go to the hospital. Axel had called the doctor, who recommended Roxas didn't put unnessecary pressure on it.

"So, Axel. Except for the end of it, how was your date?"

Axel smirked and ruffled Roxas' hair, "I think you already know, stalker-boy."

Roxas frowned and punched Axel in the arm. Axel frowned and rubbed at the spot, feeling a bruise already forming. Roxas sure punched him alot. Maybe he should punch him back.

Axel immediately banished that idea from his head. He could never, _never_, hit his Roxas. _Never_.

"Fine then. How do you like Larxene?"

Axel frowned and thought back to the date.

Larxene had seemed to like _him_ well enough, with the whole hand rubbing thing and the whole staring at him lovingly thing.

But Axel wasn't so sure that he liked the fact that Larxene had thrown Roxas out of the trash can. He frowned farther. Yeah, that was pretty rude of her.

He didn't like people throwing Roxas around. He didn't like people touching Roxas in general.

"I don't know, Rox."

It was Roxas' turn to frown. If he was going through all the trouble of setting up this program for Axel, and if he was going through all the emotional trauma of supressing his emotions, which was bad according to the Oprah show, then Axel better damn well like her!

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

Axel shrugged and watched Roxas stir the spaghetti. He refrained from telling Roxas that he didn't really like spaghetti, simply because he enjoyed watching the blond cook. Any Roxas-food Axel got, he would like. Any Roxas-anything he got, he would like.

"I just, don't know. There's something weird about her."

"What do you mean?"

Roxas ignored the angry mutter of, "What the hell is this, 50 questions?" that came from the redhead before he said, "I mean, how can she be as sweet as she was to me one second, and the next be throwing you to the floor as harshly as she did? I even said you were my best friend when she did it, but she didn't care. I think there's something weird going on with her."

Roxas sighed and dumped sauce into the pot.

"Well, give her another try, will you?"

Axel didn't answer.

Roxas frowned at the silence, and turned around, swaying danerously on one foot. He jumped when he saw that instead of feeling the need to answer, Axel felt the need to stand _directly_ behind Roxas, staring at him intently.

Roxas frowned in his mind, realizing he only came up to Axel's collarbone. Stupid genetics.

He then felt the need to inform Axel that he was simply too tall, but before he could get a word out, he found his mouth was too preoccupied to talk.

Because Axel was currently engaging his lips in a weird awkward movement, known as a kiss.

Roxas was rendered motionless by shock.

When Axel's tongue did a weird swiping thing at Roxas' bottom lip, however, the blond jumped into motion.

One arm went flailing into Axel's chest, effectively pushing him away, while the other flew backwards, looking for something- _anything_- to grab onto.

Unfourtunately, the thing he grabbed onto was the still-on, still-extremely-hot stove.

Roxas was sure he'd never felt anything this painful in his life.

The skin of his palm bubbled and blistered painfully, but being attacked from two directions, in the form of a kiss and of a blistering stove, Roxas' mind went blank with what to do.

Axel seemed at loss of action as well.

Because, dude.

He'd totally just kissed Roxas. It was full on lip contact. Yeah, that was a _legit_ kiss. Like a blissful, actually awesome kiss. With Roxas. Executed by Axel.

And the only thing that pulled him out of his OMG-I-JUST-KISSED-ROXAS-LOL-A;LKDJFALDJ train of thought was the smell of burning flesh.

Axel frowned. He was pretty sure that spaghetti wasn't supposed to smell like burning flesh. He looked at the stove.

"Rox, do you smell-...OH SHIT."

* * *

"I can't believe somebody flooded the store," Leon commented, watching as police moved about putting up police-line tape.

Cloud shrugged non-commentally.

He wasn't about to tell Leon that the somebody who flooded the store was _Cloud_.

Not that he did it on purpose or anything. He'd just left the sink on...for the whole day.

Not his fault nobody else who worked there ever had to pee.

The two stood there in comfortable silence, Leon trying not to pull Cloud into the nearest closet and have his way with him, and Cloud resisting the urge to ask how everyone in the entire store could have such an inhuman capacity for urine.

It was Leon who broke the silence, having decided he had to think of something to distract him before he acted on the less sensible part of his brain and pound Cloud into a wall.

"Well...what now?"

Cloud shrugged again.

Besides his job, the blond didn't really do anything. He went home, watched some informercials, ate and slept.

"...Do you want to see a movie or something?"

Cloud raised a brow.

It was weird Leon actually felt like doing something.

He seemed like the kind of guy who had the same routine Cloud did. You know, the routine of doing nothing productive along with avoiding human contact? Yeah, he seemed like that kind of guy.

But right as he was about to reject the idea, Cloud thought back to that morning.

He had been getting dressed, when he noticed a small pooch on the otherwise flat plane of his stomach. He frowned at the memory.

He was getting fat.

_Go do something. Maybe you'll loose weight,_ supplied a voice in Cloud's head.

'But watching a movie won't make me loose weight. Its not physical at all,' Cloud replied in thought to the voice.

_True...but maybe if you get close to that Leon guy, you will be doing something...physical...soon enough_, said the voice, in a very perverted manner.

Cloud shrugged.

He was down for hot, nasty sex with his boss. He wasn't sure Leon would feel the same way, but whatever.

He also wasn't sure if they could do it right there, in the movie theater. People probably wouldn't appreciate it.

Whatever. Movie theaters had awesome food, even if they didn't allow hot, nasty, boss sex.

"Sure. Movie sounds good," Cloud said.

Leon nodded, the corners of his lips trying to turn themselves up into a smile. It didn't work out, because, well, Leon didn't smile alot, but Cloud understood.

As the two walked away to the theater, Cloud realized, he should probably get that voice in his head checked by a doctor. He was pretty sure it wasn't normal.

* * *

Riku glanced around the room, feeling unnerved and awkward.

Selphie, who apparently was the brunette who had scared the shizack out of him, and was Tidus' girlfriend, was glaring at him from the corner of her eye.

Tidus had woken up and helped explain to Selphie that Riku and Sora were harmless, and were just going to hang around for a few nights.

And before Riku could stop him, Sora had also added in that he and Riku were running from the police for attacking an officer and for theft. Tidus had laughed like the idiot he was and had turned on the television, but Selphie had been eyeing them weirdly ever since.

Riku looked over at Sora.

The brunet was staring intensely at the TV, obviously very absorbed in the show, which was about a group of teenagers and a talking dog that solved mysteries. Sora's hand had subconciously reached out and gripped Riku's wrist loosely.

A few more minutes passed in awkward silence, before Tidus shattered it with a loud whine.

"I'm so hungry, man!"

Selphie sighed and got up. "I'll call for pizza. You guys okay with that?"

Sora nodded distractedly, craning his neck to see the TV from around Selphie. Riku nodded and thanked her. She glared at him.

She returned a few minutes later, and Riku thought she looked a little shifty. Her eyes kept darting from Sora to the door, as if waiting for something ridiculous, like a giant carton of banana milk, to come bursting through.

But when a knock was heard a few minutes later, Riku knew that Selphie wasn't waiting for banana milk.

And she apparently wasn't waiting for pizza either.

Because another round of forceful knocks came, this time with a voice that was loud and authoriative,

"**This is the police. Open the door."**

* * *

"It'll leave a few scars, and you'll have to put ice and ointment on it regularily, but your hand will be just fine, Mr. Martin."

Roxas silently thanked the doctor, holding up his heavily bandaged hand to his eyes. It looked sadly back at him. Roxas continued to stare at it intensely. Partly because, hey, he'd burned half the skin off it with a stove! And it gave him something to stare at.

Anything to avoid Axel's eyes, which were probing him for answers.

"Rox..."

"Look, Axel-"

"No, listen, Roxas. I'm sorry...it was my fault. I shouldn't have-"

"But I-"

A silence filled the room, after they finished interuppting each other's sentences. Axel took a deep breath and spoke.

"Look, Roxas. We can just pretend it never happened, if you want."

Roxas' head snapped up.

Axel stared at his shoes, looking rejected.

Inside, Roxas was screaming two seperate answers.

On the hormone driven, Axel-loving side, he was thinking: Of course he didn't want to pretend it didn't happen! He liked Axel. A lot. Like, a lot, as in, more than a friend should. Of course he had been thrilled, after the shock of his melting hand, that Axel had kissed him!

But over yonder, in the more reasonable side of Roxas' brain, he really did want to pretend it didn't happen. Because Axel needed someone who wasn't his best friend to suck face with. He needed someone that would be...accepted...by society. And besides, if he took some girl's place as Axel's special one, he would have made that entire program for nothing!

But the happy ROXAS-LIKE-AXEL-KISS-ROXAS-SAY-NO-TO-PRETEND portion of his brain was far larger.

Not to mention the look of rejection on Axel's face was making Roxas' heart ache and scream and cry.

"Of course I don't want to pretend it never happened, Axel."

The redhead stared unbelievingly at him.

"R-really?"

Roxas sighed, "Really. We're friends...but look. I don't know why, but I really just...I really have to just get you with some girl, all right? I don't want you to..."

"Roxas?"

Roxas looked up from where his eyes had traveled to his lap, to see Axel beaming down at him. The redhead softly gripped Roxas' forearms and put their foreheads lightly brushed.

"I'll go along with your stupid plan, as long as I can still make out with you."

Roxas stared at him, his mouth hanging open in an unattractive way. His plan wasn't stupid! And making out? He had a thing or two to say about that.

"But Axel! Your girlfriend won't think that's right- you know, her boyfriend and his best friend sucking face- and besides, what if the whole thing just shatters our friendship because we're-"

Axel put a finger to Roxas' lips, effectively shushing him.

"Look, Roxy. We're still going to be friends. We will _always_ be friends. We can just be friends with making-out benefits. It doesn't mean anything."

Roxas thought of this. To him, it would definetely mean something. To him, it would mean _everything_. But Axel didn't need to know that. Axel never needed to know that.

"It doesn't mean anything," Roxas repeated, looking up at Axel.

The redhead grinned.

"Good. Now, we have some unfinished business."

And all doubt and worry, about how this could bitch slap their friendship, dissapated when Axel shut down Roxas' brain with a kiss.

* * *

Cloud _hated_ scary movies. He would never- oh God, _never_- admit this to anyone, but he screamed like a child in scary movies.

So he was clueless as to why he said 'yes', when Leon suggested they see, "Night of the Living Dead Ninja Pirates II: Let Me Eat Your Liver."

Well, actually, he did have some idea. It was because Leon obviously was _not_ scared of scary movies. Because Leon was manly. And Cloud wanted to seem manly too.

After getting the traditional popcorn and sody-pop, the two made their way into the theater. Leon was silent, and Cloud could see him planning to laugh silently at the Zombie Ninja Pirates.

Cloud, on the other hand, was internally panicking, his heart ramming its way up to his throat.

The first thing Cloud noticed about the theater, was that it was jam packed with obnoxious and loud teenage couples. They buzzed about, making crude comments on the previews, about the seats, or about the people in front of them.

The second thing Cloud noticed, was the ground. It was disgustingly sticky, making a nasty squelching noise each time he stepped.

He momentarily got stuck on a piece of gum which had glued itself to the bottom of his shoe.

"Jesus, this floor is so sticky," Cloud commented in a disgusted tone of voice.

"I just came," said the kid behind him(1).

Cloud ignored the teenager and sat next to Leon, who boredly ate popcorn.

The theater went dark and Cloud thought he was going to barf from fear.

The movie started ominously, with a couple walking innocently through a Chinese cemetary, holding hands and chatting and giggling.

They seemed to be having a lovely time...until a hand shot out of the ground and snagged onto the boy's ankle.

And Cloud was sure he had never been more surprised in his life.

He, personally, did not scream.

He had been expecting something of the sort to happen. He had mentally prepared himself for it, in fact.

But when a shrill screech was emitted from next to him, Cloud was sure he was in a parrallel universe.

Because Leon had clutched onto Cloud's arm with an iron grip, screaming in fright.

And Cloud simply couldn't help it.

He burst out laughing, gripping his stomach and doubling over.

Leon kept screaming as zombies dressed as ninjas came cartwheeling and back flipping into the cemetary, surrounding the couple on screen.

A few people shushed angrily at the two. The people next to them left.

But Cloud couldn't stop laughing. Here he was, terrified of being terrified, and scared of appearing girly in front of Leon, but here Leon was, screaming from a bunch of Chinese ninja undeads holding fake livers!

Cloud slipped off his chair onto the sticky ground, hoping somewhere in the back of his mind that the kid who said he'd came was lying.

Even when a light shone directly onto Cloud's face, with an angry security guard behind it, the blond couldn't stop laughing.

Leon glared at him as they were led out of the theater with a warning.

* * *

A/N: (1)Yeah, that's because I'm making sure everyone knows. **Hutch does not own this line. It's from the wonderfully hilarious comedian Dane Cook. Hutch also does not own the Oprah Show, Scooby-Doo, or any of the Kingdom Hearts characters. Aight?**

I put that up, 'cause I always forget to put a disclaimer. P

Gah, AKUROKU!! Kissssssssss. And friends withe BENEFITS. Ehehehehehehe. It'll be more than that, my dears, I promise, I promise!

That blasted Selphie. Calling the police on Riku and Sora. Tsk.

All right, all right, enough of that.

Look forward to: Step 4 of Roxas' plan, AKUROKU :D, Sora and Riku escape through a window, and Cloud tries to apologize to Leon.

Read, read, review, review. (:


	8. 8

All right. So this will probably be the last time this story will be updated at super light speed (which to me is in a few days), considering school is starting on Tuesday. So it'll take me a while to get chapters up, aight?

-Review Answers:

Kodachi Black Rose: Gah, I love you and your ideas. ((:

xStillxInxLovex: Ahaha, thank you very muchhhhhh. :D Yeah, that Selphie. She needs to get her act together.

Bubblegum Head: (: Right back at you.

CarbonBlack: I know right? Dane Cook is the shizack. I feel kind of bad about all the Roxas torture, but what can I say? It'd been a rough day for little Roxy. Even the luckiest guys can have days where their hands get burned half to Hell. D: Thanks so much. (:

Stoooooorrry Away!

* * *

Sora was impressed. From the moment the words, **"This is the police. Open the door."** were said, Riku was on his feet, and at the window, with Sora thrown over his shoulder like a ragdoll.

Tidus stared, shocked and confused.

He was torn between rushing to do the door- lest he be thrown in jail for obstructing justice or something- and helping Riku, whose fingers were scrabbling at the window's lock, desperate.

On one hand, Tidus didn't want to ignore the police...his mother would surely beat him with a toaster if he was in jail for aiding criminals.

But on the other hand, Riku and Sora were his friends.

Remember that one time, Tidus thought to himself, that Sora tackled the teacher while Riku snuck me into class through the air vents?

Or that other time, he continued, that Sora made Riku buys those cupcakes and bring them to my house because I was sick?

Tidus made his decision.

"Selphie, stall the police. I have to help Riku."

Selphie stared at him, with such surprise that the look was usually reserved for a girl who found out she was pregnant with a two-headed baby. When she never had sex. Ever.

Okay, she resigned, she had had sex. Once. With Tidus. But it was a one-two-_twentysix_ time thing, all right?

She hesistated, watching Tidus rush over and rip the window open, giving Riku a boost up while the silver haired boy crawled up and through.

But when Sora, who was still slung over his friend's shoulder, was suddenly caught on the window's edge by his shirt, three things happened.

The first thing was that Riku flew back to his brunet friend, desperately tugging at the fabric.

The second was that Tidus had chosen this moment to fall victim to a narcoleptic fit and fall onto the coffee table.

The third was that Selphie made her move. She raced to the door, hastily pointed the police in the right direction, and watched as the popo swarmed around the window.

She felt a faint twinge of guilt as she watched Sora and Riku be dragged apart from each other.

Sora was screaming bloody murder.

Riku was staring straight at Selphie, with a glare that said, 'You _will_ regret this.'

* * *

"Which shirt would look better, Rox? The white or the black?"

Roxas spazzed. Before the question had been directed at him, he had been watching Axel's lips move in contemplation while the redhead chose clothes for his date with Larxene.

Roxas wished his leg would stop hurting, so he could get up with ease and do more than just _watch_ Axel's lips.

"Huh?" Roxas said, intellegently, watching Axel's lips press together and curl down into a frown.

Axel sighed and shoved the shirt choices in the blond's face.

"Help! The white says, 'Hey, I'm a nice guy and will treat you nicely'. But I'm afraid it'll say, 'Hey, I'm _too_ nice of a guy and don't know a thing when it comes to sex' . And the black says, 'Yo, I'm badass and you should like me'. But it might come off as, 'Yo, I'm sexy but am going to use you'."

Roxas frowned. "Yeah, how about yellow?" He looked quickly down at his own shirt, which radiated yellow fabric, looked back at the redhead, and waggled his eyebrows.

Axel laughed and ruffled his hair.

"Very funny, Roxy. But _you're_ the one who wants me to go on this date, all right? Now help me choose."

Roxas grunted and reached for his handy bag of chips, which he kept tucked under his bed in case of emergency.

After nibbling on a salt and vinegar covered treat for a second in quiet contemplation, quite aware of Axel's impatient stare, Roxas looked up at the redhead and shrugged uselessly. What did he know about fashion?

Axel threw up his hands in frustration and whipped out his cell phone and furiously punched in numbers. Roxas munched on a chip.

"_Hello?_"

"Yeah, Olette? It's Axel. I need your h-help." Axel frowned at his stutter, blaming the fact that Roxas had abandoned his bag of chips in favor of nibbling on the redhead's neck.

"_Again? Oh jeez, Axel, is your eye swollen again? I'm not really in the mood to see Roxas straddling your hips._"

Even though she couldn't see him, Axel shook his head.

Whether it was to her question or the fact Roxas was doing this really cool swishing tongue thing on his collarbone while he was on the phone, Axel wasn't sure.

And besides. If Roxas kept doing that cool tongue thing, the blond would end up on his hips anyway.

"No. I need fashion help."

"_Oh! Well then, I'll be right over. But my cousin Demyx is here, so I'm going to bring him along, all right?"_

"S-sure. I'm at Roxas' house." Axel shoved Roxas' face away irritably as the blond started kissing the spot next to his lips.

"_Okay. We'll be there in like...10 minutes._"

"Cool. Bye."

Axel snapped the phone shut and turned to the blond, frowning.

"Way to be rude, Roxas. Here I am, going along with your plan and then you-"

Roxas scowled and grabbed Axel's face. "Oh, shut _up_ all ready."

The blond noted that kissing was a very effective way of shuting Axel up.

* * *

"_What_? Two weeks?"

The officer scowled at him, and Riku regretted saying anything. The officer lowered his face to Riku's and growled out an answer. Riku could only sit and wince at the man's breath. Which smelled vaguely like peanuts.

"Young man, you're lucky its _only_ two weeks. You and your friend are lucky that Officer Xaldin is so forgiving and bought your unlikely story. You two are lucky you're not in _jail_ after assulting an officer. You're lucky it's only two weeks house arrest."

Riku cringed and his eyes darted frantically around the room. Anything to avoid the officer's eyes.

Aquamarine eyes went from Sora's tanned hands to Riku's own pale ones to the officer's weird eyepatch. They traveled to the officer's name-tage -'Xigbar? That's almost as dumb a name as Xaldin,' Riku mentally noted- and finally landed on Sora.

The brunet was staring at Officer Xigbar with wide and terrified blue eyes.

Riku felt guilty. It didn't help with Riku's feeling of guilt that Sora was a firm believer that guys could cry if they felt like it, and was currently letting tears fall like children in dodgeball.

Riku knew the thing Sora was most afraid of, in this moment, was what his mother's reaction was to be. Because Riku knew for fact that Sora hated disappointing people- especially the people he cared most about.

Officer Xigbar was glaring with his one good eye at the brunet, seemingly immune to Sora's puppy-dog eyes.

The silverhaired boy sighed, knowing he would hate himself for this later. Or maybe he wouldn't. It was for Sora, afterall.

"Sir," Riku said, clearing his throat and shifting awkwardly.

The eye darted to the speaker, freeing Sora from it's scrutinizing gaze.

"With all due respect, Sir...don't blame Sora."

After receiving both a look of curiousity from the police man and a look of shock from Sora, Riku continued.

"None of this is actually his fault. The whole reason we were getting the CD in the first place was because I made Sora break his window. And I was the one who made him run after he accidentally hurt Officer Xaldin. None of it's his fault, and I don't think he should be blamed."

Officer Xigbar raised a brow. "What, are you offering to take his punishment?"

Riku shrugged.

"Of course. If it would keep him out of trouble, I'd gladly add two weeks to my house arrest."

"Riku, no!" Sora was staring at him with eyes wide and disbelieving, jaw ajar with shock. "We're _both_ to blame, Officer!"

Riku shot Sora a stern look and turned to the policeman.

"No, Sir, we're not."

Officer Xigbar snorted and rubbed his forehead, shaking his head slightly. This certainly wasn't something he saw everyday.

"Jeez, kid. Willing to take the fall for your friend...and people say chivalry is dead. All right, then. I'll take you up on that offer. You get four weeks house arrest. And your friend here is off the hook."

"NO!"

"Shush, Sora." Riku patted the brunet's arm and turned to the officer. "Thank you, Sir."

The policeman chuckled, shaking his head with disbelief and left the room.

Sora turned to Riku, sheer rage radiating off his being. Riku was a bit taken aback. Sora never got angry...Sora certainly never got angry with Riku.

Riku was ever more surprised when Sora straight out punched him in the nose. Riku cursed loudly and fell out of his chair, clutching his nose in pain as blood spurted between his fingers.

"_Shit_, Sora! You friggin' broke my nose!"

Sora glared down at him, before screaming. Like, actually screaming. And it was directed at a certain bleeding silverhaired boy.

"You **jerk**! What the Hell are you doing?!" Sora was turning red.

Much like his pants, Riku noticed. Sora's bright red pants smiled up at Riku from where they were happily situated on the brunet's hips. Mmm, Sora hips.

Riku couldn't help the snort of humor that escaped him, despite his profusely bleeding nasil cavity. "Dude, Sora. Don't swear. It doesn't suit you."

"Shut up!" Sora scowled at the insult of his being. He could swear if he damn -hehe, bad word- well wanted to! "Riku, why the Hell did you do that?"

Riku sighed and clutched his nose harder, getting off the floor and walking over to the tissue box on the officer's desk. He grabbed a few and replaced his hand with the paper.

Taking the box with him, Riku walked back over to the chairs, and sat Sora down. Kneeling in front of the brunet, grasping his biceps gently, Riku looked sternly at his friend.

Sora tried not to laugh, despite his furious mood. Here Riku was, trying to look serious, with two tissues shoved up his nose and blood dominating the lower half of his face.

"Sora." The sound of his name pulled the brunet out of his internal Riku-ridiculing.

Riku was looking at him seriously. "I did it because you're my best friend. And you're the nicest guy- person- I've ever known. You always follow the rules. You never get in trouble. And I'll be damned if you get in trouble because of me. I'll do anything for you. Even if it means me getting the punishment, or getting in major trouble with my parents."

"But Riku-" Sora started desperately, only to be silenced by Riku's intense stare.

"Sora, I'll do _anything_ for you."

* * *

_"The second to last step in this program is called Operation Date."_

_Axel sighed. By now he was expecting weird-ass names like that._

_"This is where you take the girl on a for-serious date. To somewhere fancy, like a nice restaurant or make a really nice dinner at home." Roxas paused and scratched his ear. "But I recommend the restaurant."_

_Axel frowned, feeling vaguely offended. "Why? Have something against my cooking, Roxy?"_

_Roxas shrugged. "I'd prefer for her to not be throwing up burnt zucchini at the end of the night."_

* * *

"I bet they're in Roxas' room," Olette informed her cousin, who was following her looking uncomfortable.

Demyx had always been taught to ring the doorbell at someone's house. And though Olette had assured him that Roxas wouldn't mind them just coming in, walking right into someone's house seemed wrong to the blond.

Olette was currently informing Demyx that Roxas and Axel were best friends and were always together. She then added the fact they were slightly idiotic, before pausing. She then noted that Demyx wasn't the brightest bulb and would probably fit in.

If it weren't for the fact he was so uncomfortable and felt like a robber who was doing a B&E(1), Demyx would've childishly stuck out his tongue and grumble an empty- and slightly pathetic- threat at his laughing cousin.

When the pair reached the top of the staircase, Demyx immediately felt more uncomfortable than he had in his entire life. The suspicious sound of moaning and whispering filled the air.

Olette frowned and turned to Demyx, whispering frantically.

"You don't think Axel is having his date _here_, do you? I mean, he said he needed my help..."

Demyx shrugged and shifted feet, really just wanting to run down the stairs and out the door.

"I wonder what her name is," Olette commented, listening to the awkward noises coming from Roxas' room.

Olette got her answer, however, when she heard Axel loudly whisper, "_God, Roxas._" in a breathy voice.

The brunette girl's eyes turned the size of saucers.

"No_ way_."

Demyx watched as his cousin suddenly tore into Roxas' room. She quickly located the origin of the moaning, which was behind a closed door. Olette threw the closet open, loudly yelling, "**NO WAY.**" and effectively stopped the moaning.

Demyx watched in intrest as two guys quickly flew to opposite sides of the tiny closet and stared in shock at Olette.

Demyx was surprised.

From the way their faces looked now- covered in shock and fear- compared to how they were before- completely passionate and flat out horny- you would never have known they were wrapped around each other only seconds before.

Demyx changed his mind. _This_ was the most uncomfortable he'd felt in his entire life.

The redhead guy, who-from Olette's earlier description in the car ride over- Demyx suspected to be Axel, was panting heavily as he stepped forward.

"Olette, I can explain-"

"You better damn well be able to explain, Axel. _Both_ of you better be able to explain."

Demyx felt bad as the blond kid cringed in fear.

* * *

"Leeeeeeeoooon."

He swiveled his chair, now facing the wall as he stared at the CD receipt like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever experienced.

"_Leeeeeooooooooon_."

He ran his finger down the list of numbers, ignoring the obnoxious voice in his ear and the never-ceasing prodding on his shoulder.

"**LEEEOOOOOOOOON."**

"For the love of Christ, what the hell do you want, Strife?!"

Leon had never been a man of patience. Despite his calm demeanor, the brunet had always been short tempered and easily aggitated.

And when one is being annoyed by a certain blond worker after being completely humiliated in a movie theater- while discovering you aren't well suited for scary movies because you have the tendency to scream like a small child- Leon was beyond aggravated.

Cloud frowned slightly and straightened from where he had draped himself over Leon's shoulders.

"I was just going to apologize for the whole, getting-us-kicked-out-of-the-movie-theater thing. Jeez."

Leon growled and looked back at his receipt. He frowned to see he had unconciously crumpled it in his fist.

"Well, your apology is _not_ accepted."

Cloud shrugged. He had tried, right? He turned to walk away.

When Leon heard retreating footsteps, he inwardly panicked. When he had made this plan, the one where Leon would ignore Cloud and make the blond beg to be forgiven, he hadn't anticipated that Cloud wouldn't _care_ enough to beg!

C'mon, Leon old buddy, think of something clever! Quick, before he escapes!

"Make it up to me."

Cloud froze at the suggestion.

What the Hell, Cloud thought.

"What the Hell?" Cloud said.

"Buy me dinner," Leon suggested, swiveling his chair to face the blond. Haha! Excellent choice, bud. Much better than asking for a blow job. He probably wouldn't have agreed to that, you know. Leon congratulated himself.

Cloud considered this. He was quite hungry...and he did value- sort of- his job at CD party. And Leon was his boss and was capable of firing him.

Not to mention Leon was hot. Hot like a warm summer's day on the blacktop at the playground. And that kind of hot was appealing to the perverted part of Cloud's brain.

The blond turned back to the brunet, attempted to smile- though it came out as a sort of grimace- and said, "Sure."

* * *

A/N: GAAAH. This chapter was one Hell of a _bitch_ to write. I swear, it took me forever. Well, actually, it didn't. I just had a lot of trouble.

(1) B&E: For those of you who may be looking at me and going "Hutch, enlighten me, what is this B&E?", it's Breaking and Entering. You know? Like, bursting into a house uninvited like a crazy-ass robber.

So yeah. Riku's under house arrest, Leon finally grows a pair, and Olette made a very interesting discovery.

AND DEMYX POPPED IN. WOOOO.

I love the guy. He's going to be in here. YESSS. Ahad;fjadhahadfhalkdjf;ladkjfaoiejfaldkf.

I just couldn't leave him out.

So look forward to: Axel goes on his date with a plan suggested by Demyx, Roxas explains to Olette, Riku breaks his house arrest, and Cloud takes Leon to dinner.

Read, read, review, review. (:


	9. 9

**Finally**. This took me for-freaking-ever. ): Sorry.

-Review Answers:

CarbonBlack: Haha there's a reason for no-8/13-lovin', I promise. Haha, and their closet-dwelling will be explained. Thanks so much for your compliments. (:

Tskyli: (: Thanks so much. That Demyx...I love the guy.

Bubblegum Head: Thank yoooooooou. :D

Kodachi Black Rose: Oh God, what would I do without you and your briliant suggestions? Gah, I love you.

The Mad Empty Shell: :D Thannkkkkkkk yoou.

Away, to the story!

* * *

"Well?"

Axel exhaled loudly, running a hand through his hair. Not too long ago, Olette had chosen to burst, completely uninvited- all right, Axel admitted, he had invited her, but not for this!- and had driven Roxas to the other side of the closet.

The brunette girl looked furious, if not completely confused. She had sat Axel and Roxas down on the bed, with her cousin standing awkwardly behind her. She tapped her foot in the stereotypical way of showing impatience. Axel avoided her gaze.

He looked over at Roxas, who was sitting next to the redhead. And surprisingly, he wasn't looking down at his lap, like Axel had expected him to. The blond was staring defiantly up at his female friend, a mixture of annoyance and boredom in his eyes. Olette was staring back at him, with just as much stubornness.

Roxas looked away, locking gazes instead with Axel. Axel was slightly taken aback at the blond's expecting stare.

"Axel. I thought you have a date in...," a quick glance at a watch, "fifteen minutes."

"A date?"

Roxas glared at Olette. The brunette wished she hadn't spoken.

"Yes, a date. With Larxene, actually. That's the reason Axel called you over, isn't it Axel?"  
The redhead, who seemed very bewildered with the entire situation, nodded.

"I needed help choosing clothes and finding something to talk about with her."

Olette scowled, but then sighed and headed to Axel's closet, attempting to ignore the thought of 'UHM-AXEL-AND-ROXAS-TOTALLY-WERE-JUST-MAKING-OUT-IN-HERE'. As she sifted through the shirts, she snapped at Axel as he came over to look at her ideas.

"Fine. I'll help you get dressed, but once you get back- and I mean the _minute_ you return- you _will_ explain this to me."

Axel beamed and pointed not-so-helpfully at several shirts, showing them to Olette, who either put them in a pile to be judged for another round, or gave them a look of disgust.

While the two prattled over clothes, Roxas immediately reached for his abandoned salt and vinegar chips. Making out with your best friend only to be caught by your other best friend- and her cousin- sure made him hungry.

Demyx stood nearby, shifting feet for the hunderth time and staring longingly at the chips the other blond was devouring.

Roxas noticed his stare, glared for a moment, but suddenly felt sympathetic. He realized that, having to actually _be_ related to Olette, be dragged to her friend's house, and to find two guys macking on each other in a closet was more exhausting than Roxas' ordeal.

Without a word, the smaller blond held up the chips towards Demyx, who beamed happily and joined him in eating salty-vinegar-y treats.

A few minutes passed quietly, save the arguements over fabrics that came from the closet. By the time Roxas had torn the bag in half, given part to Demyx, and licked the crumbs of chips off the inside of the plastic, Olette had thrown open the closet doors victioriously.

Axel stepped out, and Roxas couldn't help but grin goofily. The redhead was garbed with a black- "Olette said that Larxene seems like the kind of chick who would dig black...but I still think it says 'USING YOU'. Whatever," Axel commented- silk shirt and form-fitting black pants.

After staring in silence, in which Olette beamed proudly, Roxas stared, Axel shifted uncomfortably, and Demyx licked his part of the bag, Roxas finally hummed in appreciation and approval.

"Now. What am I going to do about talking to her?" Axel asked, taking a seat on the floor by Roxas' feet. Roxas propped his feet on Axel's shoulders.

"Compliment her," said Olette.

"Joke alot," commented Roxas.

"Sing to her," suggested Demyx.

Everyone paused, giving Demyx a "WTF?" stare. The blond shrunk back. Roxas snorted in a very snarky manner. "Dude, have you ever heard Axel sing?"

Demyx frowned, "Of course I haven't. I just met him today."

"Good point."

Demyx sighed and continued. "Dude, people appreciate music. It doesn't matter _how_ badly you sing, its the thought that counts, right? Plus, girls dig guys who sing to them."

Olette contemplated this. "He's right, you know. I would _kill_ for Hayner to sing to me..."

Roxas seemed to disagree greatly. He flailed his arms about, nearly smacking Axel in the nose. Luckily, the redhead had super-awesome reflexes and dodged the on-coming hand.

"Axel should never, _never_ be allowed to sing!"

Axel looked offended and stood up, gaping down at the blond who was still flailing wildly. "What's wrong with my singing?"

"Seriously?" Roxas stared up at him. "_Seriously?_ The last time you sang, it killed Sora's hamster Mr. Puff, remember? It burst his tiny eardrums."

Axel frowned. "I don't remember that."

"Yeah? Well Sora sure does. And so does Mr. Puff."

Axel made up his mind, and silently apologized mentally to Mr. Puffs. It had been a mistake, honestly.

But Axel had made his decision. He was a man. A manly man! He wasn't going to stand there and be insulted by a blond kid who ate as much as a humpback whale.

The redhead whirled around, decidingly ignoring Roxas as he protested, and talked to Demyx.

"What would I sing?"

The mohawk man beamed and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. Music notes and lyrics were scribbled sloppily onto the sheet.

Axel was grateful his mother made him take oboe lessons in third grade, so he could read the scribbles fairly well.

"Now, just sing that to her, and it'll all be good! I promise."

Axel grinned and patted Demyx on the shoulder.

"I'll be back, kiddies! I'm off to get back my Mojo."

Roxas glared at his retreating for and prayed to God Larxene's eardrums would be all right. But all concern for Larxene was forgotten as Olette turned to him, her angry face back with a vengance.

* * *

Sora looked back down at the note he'd found on his front door.

_Sora,_

_Meet me at the park, the one by your house, at 4:00 p.m. Sit under the oak tree._

_-Riku._

He shifted his position, wincing at the soreness in his butt from sitting so long. He looked up. Swaying oak branches stared down at him. He stared at his watch. It read 4:05 p.m.

And Sora was angry. Not only had stupid Riku gone and got himself 4 weeks of house arrest, stupid Riku was also planning to _break_ his 4 weeks of house arrest. And, in addition, Riku was late.

And though he may not seem like it, everyone knew Sora hated tardiness. He hated being late, others being late...he even hated the late hours of the day and/or night.

So the fact stupid Riku was going around being stupid _and_ he was late? Not cool. And to Sora, this was nearly unforgivable.

As he sat there, staring angrily from the note to his watch, Sora was blissfully- hah, not really- unaware of a figure, slowly creeping around the tree behind the brunet.

And Sora remained (not)blissfully unaware of said figure, until it gave a war cry and leapt at him, landing on his back. Sora gave a scream of surprise and face-planted the grass.

He hoped his nose wasn't broken.

Roxas had told him about how he'd accidentally broken that girl Kairi's nose. And yesterday, Sora had broken Riku's nose. If he broke _his_ nose, there would be three broken noses in school. And that wouldn't be cool.

Sora shakily brought a hand to his nose, relieved there was no blood. His nose was saved! Haha, take _that_ Riku. You may be super handsome and popular and really good at sports, but Sora was able to maintain his nose. Sucker.

After wriggling in order to turn over, Sora discovered it was Riku who had so rudely tackeled him.

The silver haired boy sat on Sora's back, smirking down at him, despite the little bandage across the bridge of his badly discolored nose. Sora stuck his tongue out at his friend childishly, whining.

"Rikkkuuuu, get off meeeeeeeeeee."

"Make me, short-stuff."

Sora whined louder, squirming wildly. Riku laughed and got up, sitting down next to where Sora was currenlty sitting up, brushing grass of the front of his shirt.

After the brunet finished grumbling, something about wondering if broken noses could be broken again, something seemed to click in his head, because he spun to face Riku, his eyes wide and confused.

"Riku! What are you doing here?"

Riku raised a brow. "Why? Do you not want me to be?"

"No! You need to go! You're under _house arrest_. Which means you have to stay in your _house_!" Sora was flailing his arms now. Riku scooted backwards, now and forever wary of Sora's fists. Those things could kill.

"Chill, Sora. My mom is at work and will be until like, midnight. _Relax_. No one will know I'm gone. Besides, I had to tell you something."

"What? What could possibly be so importan that you're willing to go to jail?!" Sora continued to flail and Riku cautiously put out a hand, meaning to put it on his shoulder. Sora smacked it away. Riku frowned.

"I was just going to-"

"No! I don't want to hear it, Riku. I've already go you in enough trouble. You need to get back to your house _right now_."

"Sora, I-"

"No! Shhh!"

"Sora! Li-"

"Shush!"

And Sora must've blinked or something, because Riku was back on top of him, pinning his previously flailing wrists into the mud. Sora winced. Wow, Riku's fingers were strong. Before his thought train- which was asking himself if Riku did finger excersises- could continue, though, a pair of lips were on his, kissing him fiercly- almost angrily.

"_Sora_. I fucking love you."

And Sora must've blinked again, because then Riku was gone, running from the park, from the old oak tree, and from Sora.

* * *

"Explain, Roxas."

Roxas squirmed under Olette's gaze. Now that he wasn't horny, and therefore angry about being interuppted, anymore, he felt nervous and trapped.

"Look, he's on a date with Larxene, right?" Roxas was ashamed at how wavery his voice sounded. "That means he's straight. That was just a mistake, okay? You weren't supposed to see that."

"That means _he's_ straight, Roxas."

Roxas was surprised at how soft her voice was. Olette sat next to him, and gently took her hand in his. "What does that mean for you?"

Roxas scowled and looked at the floor.

"It doesn't mean anything."

He'd told himself that so many times, it didn't seem to make sense anymore.

Olette smiled at him sadly and pulled him to her chest.

"Okay. Now how about you say that and mean it?"

Roxas bit his lip, fists shaking in his lap. No, Roxas. Do _not_ cry. Men don't cry. Axel cries, but he doesn't count. _You_ don't cry, Roxas. You don't cry. Youdon'tcryyoudon'tcryyoudon'tcryyoudon't-

Apparently, you do cry.

"I can't."

Olette softly cradled his head, and Roxas decided that it was okay for guys to cry sometimes.

* * *

"Cloud..."

"Hm?"

"I thought you were taking me out to dinner."

Cloud looked at the brunet from where he was standing at the stove, stirring a pot of ramen slowly.

Leon tried not to laugh.

The blond had put on a frilly yellow aprong, with a smiling sunflower on the front, with matching oven mitts. "It helps my cooking abilities, all right?" Cloud had mumbled when asking Leon to tie the apron on.

"This is out to dinner. Its not at CD Party. So its out."

Leon shrugged and took a quick glance around the apartment.

It was small and clean, but Leon didn't notice those nice things.

Instead he was wondering _why_ everything was yellow. The walls were a light shade of the color, the couches a slightly darker shade. There was a round, yellow carpet on under the light coffee table. The lamps were yellow and shone yellow light.

It was slightly creepy, Leon decided.

"Ta-dah!"

Cloud set down a bowl of noodles, a cooked egg drifting amongst their midst. Leon raised a brow.

"You took an hour to make ramen?"

Leon looked from his noodles to Cloud, raising a brow as the blond slowly pulled off his oven mitts and took off his apron.

The blond stretched his arms above his head, and Leon stared at an inch of pale stomach that peeked out from under his shirt.

"Yes. And I made it for you, so you better damn well eat it."

Leon nodded dumbly, slightly dazed from his Cloud-stomach exposure.

The blond sat across from him, and Leon lifted a forkful of ramen, chewing while blinking his eyes rapidly from the splatters of soup that bounced into them.

He was mid-bite when he felt a finger trailing up his free arm.

Pale fingers danced across his forearm, before sliding further up. Leon slowly looked up from his bowl of ramen, and the noodles in his mouth splashed back into the bowl as his jaw went slack.

Cloud was leaning halfway across the table, his hand still on Leon's arm. The blond was waggling his eyebrows suggestively, keeping his eyes half-lidded.

"...Cloud...?"

A breathy, "Yes?" came as a reply.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Cloud's hand stopped. What a stupid question, Cloud thought. Here he was, waggling his eyebrows at a man eating ramen. What else would he be doing?

"Seducing you," he replied, in a very "how-could-you-not-know-that?" way. Leon choked on his spit.

"W-what?"

"You heard me."

Leon's mouth open and closed several times in disbelief, giving him the stunning appearance of a fish out of water.

He attempted to put these events together in his mind.

Cloud...seduce...SEX.

"Cloud."

Another breathy, "Yes?"

"Stop trying to seduce me."

Cloud frowned, deeply insulted. He pulled back, scowling.

"Fuck you, Leonhart." The blond got to his feet in a huff, ready to stalk over to the couch and throw Leon's coat at his head and push the brunet out the door. A hand on his wrist stopped him.

"You're sexy enough without trying."

Cloud's gaping mouth was covered by Leon's and all plans to assult the brunet's nice head of hair with a jacket were forgotten.

* * *

"What were you doing in the closet anyway? I mean, you're already in your room. What good was going in the closet?"

Roxas shrugged at Demyx's question, wiping at his eyes.

"I was afraid that Sora might come home. He's been gone for a while...but man. I don't know _what_ he would do if he saw us..."

Demyx nodded vaguely at this and turned back to his going-through-Roxas-stuff-ness.

Olette was sitting on Roxas' bed, handing him tissues, but it was obvious her mind was on other things.

"Roxas. We have to do something about this."

The blond boy sent her a questioning glance, getting up to slap Demyx's hand away from his underwear drawer.

"You can't go on without telling Axel about this. I mean, dude, if this whole Larxene thing goes too far, it'll be too late!"

"Exactly."

Olette seemed taken aback at this answer. "Whaaaaaaa?"

Roxas sighed and smacked Demyx' hand again as it got to close to Roxas' secret drawer of emotion journals.

"Think about it. If Axel was with _me_, how would people react? I mean, remember before we hung out, he was the badass guy who could get all the girls and who everyone was afraid of. If they found out he was taking it up the butt-"

"I doubt _he_ would be the one on the bottom," Demyx interuppted. Roxas ignored him and continued.

"They'd ridicule him. I couldn't do that to him...And besides, think of what his _parents_ would think. They think he's a regular, boob-loving guy. Not to mention they're religious fanatics..."

Olette groaned, forgetting about Axel's weird parents. She shuddered at the thought of their last encounter. She swore never to go near wooden cross necklaces again.

"But Roxas! Surpressing your emotions is bad. Just ask Oprah. Or Demyx."

Demyx nodded, beaming brightly. He abandoned Roxas' personal belongings to drag him over to the bed, sitting the blond down and beginning to talk while flailing his arms.

"She's right, Rox. You have to just come out and tell him! I mean, look at me. I jumped out from that manhole and mauled my Zexy, and now look at us! We've been happily together for months. I mean, sure, he was a bit freaked out that I tackeled him, but he was happy I did."

Roxas stared at the older blond, eyes wide. A few minutes of silence passed before Roxas took a deep breath, opened his mouth to say something, and closed it again. He opened it again, and frowned.

"I refused to hide in a manhole all day waiting for Axel to walk by."

Demyx groaned and dropped his hands to his side, sighing dramatically.

"That's not the point of what I was saying. You just have to go out and tell him. There is such a thing as too late, buddy."

* * *

"Oh, Axel! I can't believe you're bringing me here...it's the nicest place in town. I heard things are really expensive, though...How did you even get reservations? I heard the waiting list is months long."

Axel grinned and slipped an arm around Larxene's waist, waggling his eyebrows. "I have my ways. When you're me, anything is possible. Especially for such a lovely lady."

Larxene giggled and punched Axel in the arm. The redhead hid a wince. _Damn_ that girl was strong.

As they were led to their outside table, Axel patted his pocket subtly to make sure the paper from Demyx was still there. He grinned wider to see it was.

* * *

Axel decided to wait until dessert to bring out his secret weapon. Throughout the dinner Axel was pretty sure he'd charmed Larxene to the point of adoration. The blonde girl was making shifts between staring at him lovingly and glaring at any female who walked by.

"I'll be right back."

Larxene looked up at him with wide eyes.

Axel grinned and winked. "Don't worry. I'll be back. I have a surprise for you." At his words, Larxene's face lit up and she nodded happily, returning to her cake.

A few minutes passed, when the band that had been playing slow, obnxious music stopped. Larxene looked up, vaguely curious. Her face radiated joy at the sight of a familiar redhead on the stage, looking down at a crumpeled piece of paper nervously.

"Uhm, hey...ladies and gentlemen...this is a song for my girl, Larxene. You're awesome, babe."

Axel winked and grinned toothily, cleared his throat and as the music began, Larxene thought she'd finally found the perfect man.

That was until Axel opened his mouth.

"_My gift is my sooooooooong. _

_And this one's for you._" Axel beamed and pointed at Larxene, winked, and continued.

_"You can tell everybody, this is your song. _

_It may be quite simple, but, now that it's done. _

_I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words..._

_How wonderful I feel, now you're in the world..."_

And as Axel sang- dear God, was that even considered singing?- all Larxene could think- besides, of course, 'MY EARDRUMS ARE BLEEDING. DEAR GOD, THEY'RE BLEEDING'- was 'Your gift is your song? No, definetely not. I do mind. I really, really do mind."

* * *

A/N: Holy poooo, this took FOREVER. And not to mention, I have school. Which is ridiculously and completely inconviniently placed in the middle of my life.

Guh.

**Hutch does not own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters. Hutch also does not own "Your Song" by Elton John.**

Gah, I apologize for this chapter. I hate it. ): I just had to get it out.

Anyway.

Look forward to: Awkward aftermath of Cleon sex, Sora goes on a mission through Riku's window, Larxene attempts to escape Axel's singing, Zexion pops in, and Olette devises a clever plan for Roxas' clever plan. -LOL WUT.-


	10. 10

Sora drew in a deep breath, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He glanced down at the grappling hook hanging at his side.

After Riku had totally jumped him and kissed him and confessed love to him and ran away from him, Sora had taken a journey to the hiking store, all while devising a plan in his brain. Riku couldn't do all those things to him and get away from it so easily. Sora huffed. No way, Buster Brown.

And now he was currently standing beneath his best friends' window, bag slung across his back and grappling hook swinging by his side.

A determined look across his tanned face, Sora sucked in a breath, stepped back and whispered. Loudly.

"PSSST. RIKU."

No answer.

Sora frowned, determination driving his voice louder.

"_RIKU. RIKU COME TO YOUR WINDOW. PSSSSSSST, RIKU!"_

No answer again. Sora huffed in frustration, considering pulling out his phone again. Until he noticed the sound of water running. Much like a shower, Sora noted. He momentarily wondered why he could hear it so clearly.

Spinning around, Sora searched the walls of the house for an open window. Steam pouring from the side of the house caught his eye. He grinned. Hah, stupid Riku left the bathroom window open!

The brunette skirted the side of the house, wincing as the edge of the grappling hook bumped against his leg. Once under the open window, Sora grinned, backed up and expirementally lifted the grappling hook above his head. He swore as it scraped his ear. Damn grappling hooks and their weird, sharp ends.

Sora took a deep breath and slowly spun the hook above his head, ducking his head to avoid getting hit. He spun it faster and faster, and then- let it go.

* * *

Roxas frowned as he tried to dig his feet into the ground, flailing his arms and protesting loudly. Unfourtunately, the combined strength of Demyx- who was had an excellent butterfly stroke while swimming- and Olette- Roxas discovered that small frames hid immense arm strength pretty well-, Roxas didn't stand a chance.

After having spilled his heart and soul and begging them to keep to secrecy- which was all in vain, he might add- Roxas had been bound- with a collection of the ties Axel brought to his house for his date preperation- and thrown onto the back of Demyx's bright blue scooter, affectionately named Zexy.

And they were now going at a slow pace towards the fancy restaurant in town, owned by some rich guy named Luxord, with Roxas stumbling ahead with Demyx and Olette behind, giving him the occasional push in the spinal cord.

"What the Hell am I going to do once I get in there anyway?" Roxas asked angrily, catching his footing before he hit his face on the concrete below.

"Confess your undying love, of course," Demyx answered, giving the smaller blonde a push between the shoulder blades.

Roxas grumbled, but the quiet cursing turned into a yelp as he stepped on his own shoelace and fell onto the concrete, skinning his knee. The cursing was pretty loud then.

Before he could turn around and release the fury of his tiny ineffectual fist upon the mohawked blond, Roxas felt a tug on the back of his collar as he was pulled to his feet.

"Hello, sir. This guy has to confess his undying love to someone inside. May we go in, just for a second?"

The host of the restaurant was staring dumbfounded at them, before he nodded hesitantly. After a few moments of nodding, the man clasped his hands together and squealed.

"Why, of course! True love waits for nothing, my little prince! Away, to your love!"

* * *

Riku frowned and climbed out of the shower, quickly wrapping a towel around his delicates. He shivered and glanced towards the window, wondering why he left it open, before turning to the mirror and staring at his reflection. He grimaced at his crushed expression. How unattractive. He bet Sora thought so too.

He was surprised at the tears that sprung to his eyes at the mere _thought_ of Sora. He wiped them away. Men. Don't. Cry.

He sighed and turned on the sink, running water over his face.

"Why the Hell am I so stupid?"

He felt like dipping his face for a few minutes- _hours_- into the filled sink. What kind of _idiot_ would ruin their friendship like that? The silver haired boy filled his sink with steaming hot water, letting a feeling of resignation flow over him. He was just going to do it. Nobody would care if he died.

Roxas and Axel sure wouldnt' care, his mom wouldn't care, Sora wouldn't care...SoraSora_Sora_.

Riku sucked in a deep breath, pulled his hair back-because dude, he was hated, but his hair sure as Hell wasn't- and lowered his face, when-

Something clawed into his leg, sending ridiculous waves of pain shooting through his entire body. He heard a triumphant cry from below.

"Hah! I finally caught it onto something!"

And whoever it was pulled whatever it was harshly, sending Riku flailing to the ground in a strangled cry. The person pulled again and Riku found himself skidding across the bathroom floor. He screamed wildly as he neared closer and closer to the window.

He heard the voice take on an uncertain tone.

"I dont' think whatever it is my grappling hook hooked onto is supposed to be moving...the instruction manuel said it should be a wall or something...walls are stationary, right?"

Riku inhaled sharply at the familiar voice, but all his thoughts were scattered as another sharp, piercing tug at the hook was made. He could feel his muscles and skin ripping as he made his way closer to the edge of the window.

Desperate, he sucked in a deep breath and screeched at the top of his lungs.

"SHIT, SORA, LET THE FUCK GO."

The tugging halted for a moment, and silence followed.

"Riku? Is that you?"

"YES."

"...Do you know where my grappling hook is?"

"IN MY FUCKING LEG."  
"...Oh...SHIT."

Riku let out a sigh of relief a he felt the pulling stop and as the sound of frantic feet padding against the grass reached his ear. Tears squeezed their way out of his eyes, but Riku guessed it was all right. After all, he did have a grappling hook lodged into his leg.

A few moments passed before Sora burst into the bathroom, talking wildly, staring doe-eyed at Riku's mangled leg, and flailing frantically.

"Oh_shit_RikuI'msosorryIwasjusttryingtogetintoyourhousesothatIcouldapologizebutmygrapplinghookcaughtonto-"

"Sora..."

"AndIreallydidn'tthinkyou'dbesoclosetothewindoworthatIwouldactuallycatchonto-"

"**Sora."**

Sora paused, but was unable to tear his eyes away from Riku's crippled, torn, and bleeding leg. "Yeah?"

"CALL THE FUCKING AMBULANCE."

* * *

Leon grumbled at the feeling of light shining into his eyes. The smell of tea reached his nostrils as he felt a sudden, significant weight settle on his hips. He groaned and pushed it off, smirking internally as he heard a squeak of surprise. Haha, stupid whores.

He sat up, groggy and slowly opened his eyes. He was greeted with a very yellow room. He heard shuffling on the floor beside where he was laying, and looked over, fully expecting to see a regular $5 whore, like he did on most days.

But Leon was sure he'd never been more surprised than he was to see it was Cloud whom was on the floor, rubbing his shoulder and mumbling angrily.

The blond was clad in an old t-shirt that hung down to his knees, with baggy- who would guess it?- yellow pajama bottoms. Leon felt guilty at the coffee that was splattered all over him.

"What the Hell!"

"Oh God, Cloud. I'm so sorry."

The brunet scrambled around in the sheets, trying to get up, but ended up falling ungracefully onto Cloud, who grunted in complaint. After a few minutes of attempting to untangle themselves, Cloud finally pushed Leon back harshly and climbed onto the bed, huffing angrily.

Leon stared up at him apologetically.

"Honestly, Cloud. I'm sorry, it was a mistake. I thought you were someone else."

"Who?"

"A whore."

Cloud's eyes widened in surprise at the blunt answer. How rude! Surely he's been better than some common _whore_. He stood up, ignoring the bump that rattled his body as his head hit the ceiling.

"Fuck you."

And he hopped off the bed and stomped out, leaving Leon on the floor, bewildered and naked.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention, please? This young man has something to say to a very special someone, sitting right in our restaurant!"

Axel turned his attention away from attempting to start a conversation with Larxene, who seemed strangely engrossed in her alfredo chicken.

Little did Axel know, she was trying to keep herself from cringing at the mere thought of the redhead's eariler serenade.

Axel was confused. Demyx had said that the song would steal Larxene's heart, yet here she was, ignoring him! He had expected her to be all over him, confessing her true, undying love for him. Then Roxas would be happy, and drop the whole thing, and then he and Axel could participate in full-time loving!

Speaking of whom...Axel raised his eyebrows in extreme surprise as he saw Roxas stumble on stage, his blue eyes glaring at someone behind the curtain. Someone in the audience cleared their throat and Roxas seemed to remember where he was. He faced the roomful of people, his eyes suddenly filled with nervousness.

"Uhm...hi."

Stares were his answers.

Axel stared blankly. Who the fuck was Roxas' "very special someone"?

"So...uh...enjoying your food?"

More stares.

"That's good...uhm...well...I'm just going to le-"

Axel decided this was a brilliant time to speak up.

"WHOSE YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE?"

Roxas' eyes darted around the room, in search of whoever had spoken. It'd been a deep voice...

Haha. Axel grinned to himself, finding it was a good idea that he'd disguised his voice. Larxene was looking up at Roxas, cruel amusement in her eyes.

"Uhm...about that..."

Roxas hesitated, and soon more shouts erupted.

"HURRY IT UP, BUDDY."

"WHOSE THE LUCKY LADY?"

"WORK IT, SEXY!"

Axel was quite bewildered about the last comment himself.

Sure, Roxas was hot but he was just standing there! He wasn't doing anything sexy, like stripping or moaning or panting or- Axel decided to stop himself there.

The blond was shifting from foot to foot nervously, a visible sweat on his skin.

Larxene was clutching her stomach from laughing, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She stood up, cupped her hands around her mouth to project her voice and yelled,

"IS THERE REALLY ANYONE? OR ARE YOU JUST A LITTLE LONER?"

Axel's lips tightened. He stood up quickly, shaking the table a bit as he quietly walked away, despite Larxene's surprised comments.

The redhead marched right up to the stage, grabbed Roxas around the waist, ignoring the blond's "THANK GOD"s and "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"s, and threw him over his shoulder and marching right out of the restaurant, despite the upset cries of the customers and the tiny, ineffectual fists beating against his back.

* * *

A/N: I'M SO SORRY. This took a _ridiculously_ long time. I've been so unmotivated.

And my laptop broke earlier this month and I've had ridiculous amounts of homework and blahladhfladjflakdf.

So yeah. Sorry if this is TERRIBLE. I just have to get it out, or I may never finish this story.

Look forward to: Axel's interrogation, Leon apologizes- or at least attempts to, Riku gets his leg x-rayed, and Sora gets in some deep shit for owning a grappling hook.

Read, read, review, review. (:


	11. 11

A chapter to help make up for my terribly long absence. I've decided to write at least a chapter every weekend, so bare with me. I _will_ finish this story! -undyingdetermination!-

And after this, I totally have a prequel planned. (:

-Review Answers:

JustPlainPeachy: Ahaha, grappling hooks are BAMFs. So is Leon. I mean, looking at that scar. Whata BAMF.

Kodachi Black Rose: D; I'm sorry! School is so suffocating. But I promise, I'll never do it again. Cross my heart. a;ldkjfa;dlkfj I love your suggestions.

Neferet10210: (: Thanks.

Bubblegum Head: I promise to finish it. Cuz I hate when other authors just leave off stories, and if I did it, where would I be? Thanks for your super support. :D

* * *

"Put. Me. Down."

"No."

"Axel."

"Absolutely not."

"**Put me down before I punch out all your teeth.**"

"..."

"That's what I thought."

Roxas sighed and wriggled about, cracking his back. His abdomen was screaming bloody murder from being carried over Axel's shoulder for well over 15 minutes.

Stupid Axel and his stupid boney shoulder.

The pain, Roxas noticed in a vaguely satisfied way, was almost enough to make him forget- oh damn.

He'd reminded himself of his little escapade in front of a restaurant chock-full o' strangers.

How embarassing.

"Roxas. Sit. Now."

Axel had made his way over to a bench, patting it lightly.

Roxas opened his mouth to refuse stubbornly, but the look of frustration on Axel's face made him shut his lips and sit down.

Axel was staring at him intently, obviously waiting for something. Roxas was unsure what he was waiting _for_, so he sat quietly, twiddled his thumbs, and stared at his jeans- which were pretty damn cool.

Minutes passed. Roxas wondered why Axel wasn't talking. Maybe he thinks Roxas should already know what he's thinking.

But that'd be dumb, Roxas decided.

How the Hell was he supposed to know what Axel was thinking? As much as he wished it was so, he was no mind reader.

A few more minutes passed in silence, in which Axel stared at Roxas, waiting for an explanation, and in which Roxas stared at his shoes, wishing he could read minds, become a superhero, and save the world, and be rewarded with all kind of delicious foods as rewards for being such a fabulous mind-reader-super-hero-

"Who is it?"

Roxas was snapped out of his fantasy world of reward food and mind interoggations to stare blankly at Axel.

"Wut." He said intellegently.

"Who is it?" Axel repeated intently, grasping Roxas' shoulders tightly.

The blond winced and refrained himself from carrying out his threat of punching out Axel's teeth. Because, really, dude! Roxas was a fragile angel. He couldn't withstand much more of this rough handling.

His Health teacher had told him this stuff was called an "unhealthy relationship." Maybe he should Axel this, he thought. But he decided Axel probably already knew it, since they were in the same Health class.

He decided on being stubborn and avoiding the question in a clever manner instead.

"Who is who?"

"Whose your 'very special someone'?"

Roxas was then reminded of his eariler embarassing experience and felt himself redden significantly.

He then cursed Axel for bringing it up, the audience for being so damn rude, Demyx for pushing him onto the stage, and his parents for giving him pale skin and terrible blush glands(1). Curse them. Curse them all to Hell.

"About that..."

Roxas trailed off, finding Demyx to be the root of the problem. Damn mohawked, weird looking, rude-

Axel watched him expectantly, but Roxas was too engulfed in imagining Demyx falling off a cliff and landing into the mouth of the hungry Megaladon below.

"Roxas!"

Roxas was once again torn out of his fantasy, right as he thought of Demyx choking on a knife.

"Yes?"

"**Who is it?**"

Roxas was quite taken aback. Axel sounded pretty pissed. The blond furrowed his brows together, and stared at him stubbornly.

"What's it to you?"

Axel made an incoherent growling noise and threw his arms up in frustration.

"You know what? Nevermind. Forget I even asked."

And with that Axel got to his feet and stalked away, leaving Roxas sitting on the bench, feeling like an idiot.

* * *

Riku winced and pushed all the air in his lungs out of his nostrils. An intern was currently pulling string and steel through the giant gash on his leg.

Sora was sitting by the bed, biting his lip and looking down at his hand pathetically. A few sniffles escaped from him every now and then, and Riku resisted the urge to coo- because he was a man, and men didn't do that.

Especially not after that non-cooing man had just been mauled by a grappling hook thrown by said sniffler.

The intern who was stitching up Riku's leg kept looking up at Sora with an annoyed expression. Sora would stared at the guy's hair in response. Riku didn't blame him.

That guy's hair was pretty wild.

It was blue- or was it purple? Riku decided to go with blue, because purple was way too girly- and weirdly cut. Half of it hung right in his eye. Riku wondered if he even had an eye under there. Maybe it'd been cut out in a fight.

And now he had an eyepatch.

Or just had a big, empty hole.

And you could see his brain!

Riku decided to stop himself there. He was starting to sound like Sora. Who threw grappling hooks at people in bathrooms.

The entire stitching of the leg had so far passed in silence, save Sora's hiccupy sniffles and Riku's sharp inhales.

Until a high, happy voice came from the doorway as the intern was mauled to the ground by a flying mass.

"ZEXION! I'VE MISSED YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!"

Riku cried out as the needle, the one that Zexion' the intern had been using, jabbed into a different part of his leg as the intern's hand jerked as he was pulled to the ground.

Sora looked at the lump on the ground, and immediatly recognized the mass that was latched onto the intern's middle.

"Hey..aren't you Olette's cousin?" He asked the mass.

Said mass looked up, with a bright grin on his face as Zexion pushed him back, got up, and brushed himself off.

"That's me! And lemme guess...you're Roxy's twin brother!" He ignored Sora's insistence of 'No, we're cousins!' looked towards Riku, who was gingerly pulling the needle out of his kneecap. "And you're his pissy friend!"

Riku glared, but the mohawked blond paid no attention as he turned his gaze towards the intern, who had made his way back to Riku's leg.

"Zexy! How was your day? Mine was fantabulous! I got to go down to the arcade and I played that new Star Wars(2) game and-"

"Demyx, I'm working. Can't we talk some other time?"

Demyx groaned and draped himself dramatically around Zexion's shoulders. "But I haven't seen in you in _forever_!"

"We saw each other two days ago, Demyx."

"As I said! _Forever_!"

Zexion sighed as he clipped the string in Riku's leg with a cute- in Sora's opinion- pair of scissors. They were so tiiiiinnnnyyyy.

Sora stopped himself before he cooed in adoration.

"All right, all right. You're leg is done, Mr. Moretti. Just go sign out, pick up your crutches, and change the bandaid."

Zexion got up, let Demyx hop on his back, and left the room.

The second the door snapped shut, Sora broke into tears.

"I'msosorryRiku!It'sallmyfaultbecauseIactedallweirdafteryouactedallweirdandIbrokeyounoseandgotyouintohousearrestandthenhityourlegwithagrapplinghookand-"

"Sora.."

And for once Sora listened to him the first time.

"C'mere."

The brunet bit his lip and crawled onto the bed and cried into Riku's shirt.

Riku's leg stopped hurting.

* * *

Leon grumbled to himself and adjusted the guitar strapped around his shoulder.

"Can't believe I'm doing this..."

After Cloud had walked away angrily, leaving Leon naked, on the floor, in Cloud's very yellow room, the brunet had gone to his good friend for advice...Demyx.

And the blond mohawked teen had recommended Leon sing a lovely, heartfelt song to woo C.D. Party's blond cashier, despite Leon's protests that he couldn't sing worth shit.

'Its the thought that counts, not the voice!' Demyx had insisted as he shoved lyrics at the brunet.

And now Leon stood underneath Cloud's very yellow window, guitar and lyrics in hand, and doubt in his soul.

"This better work, or I'll wring that stupid Demyx's awkward little neck with my bare hands."

Leon cleared his throat and cautiously strummed a few notes.

"_I am thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned-_"(3)

Leon felt stupid as he sang, but was sure hoping Cloud didn't think so.

He finished the song, wincing himself as his voice cracked and wavered and did everything else bad a voice _could_ do when trying to convince someone to love you.

He stopped singing, looked up at the window...and was knocked out by a shoe that was sent flying from inside.

* * *

Roxas dove for his phone as it vibrated loudly from his side table.

He missed it, however, hit the floor-hard, he should have you know- and rolled a few feet away. He quickly scrambled up and back towards the phone, flipping it open and hasitly putting it to his ear.

He was ready for this. He was going to tell Axel.

Just flat out tell him Roxas love him loved him loved him.

And then Axel would forgive him and then they'd have a happy ending and Roxas would never _never_ have to pretend-

"Axel?"

"I'm just letting you know. I'm taking Larxene to the tennis match on Friday. To carry out your stupid plan."

"Axel, listen-"

"Chill, Rox. It wasn't my place to interfere with your love life."

"But Axel, I have to tell you-"

"Dude, it's cool. There's no need to explain. But you should totally come to the match too. Sora would probably be cool with you there, since he's going to watch Riku-"

"Axel!"

"Yeah?"

"I love-"

And Roxas' phone connection died. He screamed in frustration at his stupid service company. Damn them all to Hell.

* * *

(1) D: Is there such thing as a blush gland? Idk.

(2) I don't own said game.

(3) I also do not own this song. It's by the lovely "The Postal Service".

O: Ohohohoho. Cliffy.

Look forward to: Who threw that shoe?, Sora and Riku train for Riku's match, but Riku is kind of a gimp and can't walk, Zexion and Demyx go to the arcade to play Star Wars, Axel makes Hot Pockets and Roxas tries to get his phone service to work.


	12. 12

Kay, so I was watching "The N" channel this weekend, and this commercial for "The Naked Brothers Band" came on, right?

And they were like, "-enterwhateverhisnameishere-'s girlfriend broke up with him, and now its up to -enterwhateverhisbrother'snameishere- to get his MOJO back. Will he get his MOJO and his girl back? Watch and see, in Operation MOJO!"

Dude...

WHAT THEIVES, AMIRITE?

There are _way_ too many similarities for it to be a coincedence, ne? Jeez. How upsetting! Just taking my idea like that.

I should sue.

Bah.

Well, anyway...here's the story.

Oh! Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Batman, Hot Pockets- which btw, I have nothing against. But Jim Gaffigan influences their role in this story-...But I do own this story. And I can't even believe those people. Jeeeeeeesuuuus!

* * *

"Hello?"

"_Thank you for calling Tebalt Communications. Press one to check your messages. Press two for more options_."

Roxas daintily pressed two and took a bite of his Cocoa Krispies.

"_Press one for help with connections. Press two to-"_

Roxas cut the automatic voice short by pressing one immediately, while multitasking and munching on some chocolately cereal.

"_We will connect you with a Server in just a moment. Please hold._"

Soft, generic elevator music began to play and Roxas chewed along to the beat. He could swear he heard the "SNAP, CRACKLE, POP" of his cereal follow along too.

Or maybe it was his imagination.

Whatever.

"Hello and thank you for holding. My name is Luxord, and I'll be your Customer Service Assistant today."

"Hi Luxord."

"Hello."

"...."

"...Can I help you, sir?"

Roxas tapped his chin. What had he called again for?

"I'm not sure," he replied, bringing the bowl to his lips and sucking in some chocolately milk.

"...Would you like to call back later or something?"

Roxas scratched his chin as he got to his feet and carried his now-empty bowl to the sink. "Gimme a second to think. I remember it was something important..."

"Well listen, dude. I've got other customers..."

"Just hang on. I'm not gonna take _that_ long."

"..."

Roxas made his way to the pantry, sitting himself cross legged on the floor and searching the bottom shelves. He plucked two cans of soup from the shelf and held them up to the light, flopping onto his back.

"Should I have the chicken broth or chicken noodle soup?"

A clearing of the throat was heard on the other line.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"...I've always like chicken noodle."

* * *

Leon blinked several times, his vision coming back to him in blurry fragments. A flash of blond, black blobs, bright blue floating over him...

When his sight returned, Leon noticed boobs.

Two large boobs, right in his face.

They disappeared for a moment, before they were replaced with a very familiar face. Cloud was staring down at him boredly, and for the moment, Leon was bewildered.

Cloud grew boobs?!

Cloud said something short and blunt before drawing away, and his face was replaced with that of a pretty girl's. She had long, black hair and was glaring down at him angrily.

"What the Hell were you doing, serenading outside my window?!"

"Guh?" Leon replied intellegently, attempting to sit up. He was roughly shoved back down.

"Answer me!"

The lady was gently pushed aside as Cloud replaced her.

"Leonhart, wake up."

"I'm awake."

"Good."

Leon felt himself get pulled up by his shirt collar, and narrowly missed colliding with Cloud's head. Once up, Cloud retreated and Leon took in the sight of Cloud's very yellow apartment. He looked at the couch he was lying on, and frowned, noticing a small puddle of blood- where his head had been.

His hands flew to his forehead, finding it covered in bandage.

"What the fuck?"

Cloud shrugged nonchantly, "Tifa threw her shoe at you."

"A shoe did this?!"

"It's a metal-lined combat boot, asshole." The lady- Tifa, presumably, said, crossing her arms and frowning at him.

"And why the fuck did you throw your metal-lined combat boot at me?"

"Why the fuck were _you_ outside my window, singing to me like a dying meerkat?"

Leon frowned.

"I was singing to Cloud."

"Well, obviously not. Considering you were at _my _window!"

"Nuh uh. I know which window was Cloud's."

"Apparently not."

"...Oops."

Leon stared at his shoes, feeling pretty dumb. He could feel Cloud's annoyed glare on him. How was he supposed to know which window as Cloud's? He considered telling Cloud this, but realized it would probably piss him off.

"Did you not know which window was mine?"

Leon's head snapped in his direction, and when he reflected on this moment a few years from then, he realized he must've looked quite like a deer in the headlights.

"I can't even believe you, Leonhart! Jesus."

And Leon was forced to watch Cloud walk out on him. Again.

* * *

"This looks simple enough."

Axel slipped the Hot Pocket out of the box and squinted his eyes at it. It looked decent to him.

Roxas had always warned him of these things. '_Never, ever, EVER, eat those things, Axel._' When Axel had asked him why, Roxas had merely repeated his warning and melted into the shadows.

Which was way creeper-worthy and weird, in Axel's opinion.

He shrugged and stuck the little roll into the microwave, pressed a couple of buttons and sat himself on the couch to watch some Batman.

Perhaps he should have read the directions...

* * *

"Just a little farther, Riku!"

Riku gasped and faceplanted on the floor. He heard footsteps rapidly approaching, and found himself being pulled up by the back of his shirt.

"C'mon Riku! There's no way you can win your tennis match if you can't even walk right!"

Riku felt his eye twitch.

Every since they'd gotten back from the hospital, Sora had become Hell bent on Riku learning to walk again.

Despite the doctor's orders for Riku to have 3 weeks of bed rest.

Riku vaguely reasoned with himself that Sora was only trying to make up for- oh, only ripping apart Riku's leg with a grappling hook...

But Riku found his friend was defientely doing it the wrong way.

"It's only a mile, you pansy!"

Riku winced as Sora slapped him on the back, a violent way of showing his encouragement.

"Sora...isn't this against what my doctor said?"

Sora shrugged and rolled his head. Riku heard his neck crack. Ew.

"Who cares? You want to beat Cloud in tennis, right?"

Riku grumbled at the very name. He got this whole started, afterall! Stupid blond with his stupid attitude and stupid tennis skill.

"Yeah, yeah, I do."

"Then get up!"

Riku grumbled but complied.

* * *

"I always did like chicken noodle."

"Same here! But I hate when the chicken is all dry."

"Yeah..."

"..."

"..."

"...Look, dude. I gotta go. I have other customers I have to take care of, and I have to work extra late today, since I'm going to that tennis match tomorrow."

Roxas' ears perked up. Why did that sound so familiar?

"Tennis match?"

"Yeah," Luxord replied. "The one between that guy with the nice hair and that other guy with the girly name."

Roxas tapped his chin. All sounded so familiar! He had a gut feeling he should remeber...wait a minute. Hair. Girly. Cloud. Tennis. Larxene.

...

Axel!

"Help!" Roxas nearly flailed as it dawned on him.

"What?" Luxord sounded startled. "Are you all right?!"

"I need to you to fix my phone!" Roxas threw up his arms in victory.

"...Huh?"

Roxas frowned. What dummy. "IneedyoutofixmyphonesoIcantellthispersonthatIlovethembeforetheygotothetennismatchwiththisotherpersonsofixmyphonenoworI'llkill you!"

Luxord paused on the other end, before his voice replied shakily. "All right, man. All I got from that was fix phone, love, and kill. So just chill, explain, and then let me tell you how to fix your phone, all right?"

Roxas wished he could kiss him. Not really, but the guy was still awesome.

* * *

"How did this hapen, son?"

Axel shifted his feet nervously and avoided his gaze. He rubbed the back of his hand, scratched his arm and cleared his throat. The smell of smoke was making his eyes water.

"Uhm...well...you see...I was a little hungry..."

"Yes..."

"And well, we only had some Hot Pockets...and so I put the thing in the microwave...and pressed 30 minutes. And went to watch Batman."

"...You put the Hot Pocket in for 30 minutes?"

Axel frowned and gestured wildly, practically begging for the agasht fireman to understand. "No! Well...yeah, I did. But I thought that's what the box said! I mean, jeez. They should make the directions a little bigger..."

_And I should probably __**read**__ the directions_, the guilty part of Axel's brain said. Axel telepathically told this part to shut up.

The next few minutes passed in silence, while the fireman stared at him blankly and Axel twidled his thumbs. Which he was getting quite good at.

"Son...you do realize...you burned your whole house down, don't you?"

Axel sniffled. "Yes."

"...All right then." The fireman walked away to another fireman, said something, and disappeared behind a wailing truck.

Man, oh, man, was Axel's mom gonna be _pissed_. 'You're going to Hell! Hell, I tell you, Hell! Oh, Jesus, have mercy on my baby's guilty, sinful, soul!' He cringed at his mental imitation of his mother. Wow, he was good.

And besides. If Jesus would've popped down and told him to read the directions, he wouldn't be in this mess!

He was about to curse Jesus, which was a terrible idea he later realized- he apologized to the big guy for such thoughts-, when a familiar jingle burst merrily from his pocket. Though, lost as he was in his brooding thoughts, all Axel could comprehend was- What the Hell?  
The jingling continued and realization wriggled its way itno his brain.

Oh.

_Oh_.

It was his phone.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, dude_."

"Hey, Tidus."

Axel frowned at the thought of the blond. He was always so..._happy_.

"_You know where Roxas is, man? I've tried calling him like, a hundred times, to tell him his twin brother, Sora-_"

"Cousin."

_"Was arrested earlier, with that guy with the nice hair._"

Axel's eyes widened in surprise. "Sora was arrested?"

"_Yeah. Something about a C.D. Anyway, you know where Roxas is?"_

Axel scowled. No, actually, he didn't. Roxas hadn't talked to him since...well, since he hung up in the middle of saying something. '_I love-_" was all Axel had heard before the dial tone took over.

Roxas loved what? Who?

"_Axel...you there, dude?_"

Axel nearly jumped. Oh, yeah. He wa son the phone. Stupid Roxas and his ability to distract Axel from phone calls about Roxas!

"No. I don't know where he is."

"_Oh...okay_."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..._You all right, dude?"  
_Axel sighed and ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He winced as it got stuck on knots and got tangled in the red locks. He flailed it wildy until he freed it, but grimaced at the bright strand of hair attatched to his fingers. Groooossss.

"Actually, I'm not."

"_Oh._"

"Yeah...my house just burned down."

"_What?!"_

"I said, my house just-"

"_Yeah, yeah, I heard you. But, dude! That's intense! Are you okay?_"

"Yeah. Just homeless."

"_Well you're totally welcome here, man. If you need a place to crash or anything._"

Axel contemplated this. Well, looking at it, he really had four choices.

Choice 1) He could call Roxas and ask to crash there. But then again...he found he was scared to find out what- who- Roxas loved. He felt his pace speed up at the very thought. No to that...

Choice 2) Take Tidus up on his offer. The dude was a little weird, but nice overall. It'd be a little awkward, but generally bearable.

Choice 3) Call Larxene and chill at her place. But then again, he didn't actually _like_ Larxene. So no.

Choice 4) Stick around by the ashes of his house and wait for his parents to yell at him and condem him to damnation.

...

"That'd be totally awesome dude. I'll be over soon."

* * *

"What are we doing here, again?"

Zexion frowned as his sleeve was tugged on. He delicately made his way up the stairs, while Demyx bounded up beside him. The blond made it to the door first and held the door open for him, bowing in a gentleman-like manner. Zexion scowled. Demyx wiggled his eyebrows.

"You said you'd come here with me today, Zexy!"

Zexion frowned furthur. When did he say that?

"When did I say that?"

Demyx paused and tapped his chin in contemplation. "Yesterday, at 3:17 p.m., right after you discharged Roxas' twin brother's ("They're cousins, actually," Zexion interjected, only to be ignored) best friend with the grappling hook in his leg, and with the really nice hair." The blond grinned and draped himself around Zexion's shoulders.

The purplehaired boy was surprised. Demyx sure had a good memory.

"Oh. That's when."

"Yep!"

Zexion swept his gaze over the room and stopped. He gaped. Demyx was saying something beside him, but Zexion didn't hear what. Demyx shook his arm, but Zexion didn't feel it.

Above him loomed a large, brightly colored machine, adored with burly men, weird mutant creatures, and scantily clad women. A control stick accompanied by several bright red buttons sat by the bright screen, where two characters hopped around beating each other up.

And Zexion was sure he'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life. Well, maybe that really cool thing Demyx in the kiddie's pool that summer rivaled it, but barely.

"What. Is. That?"

Demyx stopped shaking him to follow his boyfriend's gaze. He frowned slightly. Pah. Why was Zexion looking at that lame game?"

"Oh, that? That's just a game where you beat up each other. Its pretty lame, actually..."

"I want to play."

Demyx looked at him in surprise. He was even more surprised to see Zexion wore a look of determination on his visible half of his face.

Demyx groaned. "But they have a new game down the hall-"

Zexion turned sharply, and before Demyx knew what was happening, he found himself being gripped tightly by the shoulders, with Zexion's furious-what?!- face shoved in his.

"**I. Want. To. Play.**"

"O-Okay. Of co-course..." Demyx nearly collapsed in relief when Zexion's hands fell from his shoulders, and his eyes lost their crazy rage. The purplehaired bounced- what?!!- away happily, and Demyx could have sworn he'd seen a...a...a _smile_ on his face. WHATTT??

* * *

"All right. So I pressed the two...now what?"

"Now all you have to do is-"

Roxas never got to hear what he had to do. Because as he switched his phone from one hand to the other, the slippery little electronic popped out of his grip, and-before he could even register to catch it- fell into the can of tomato soup the blond had been eating.

"FUCK MY LIFE."

* * *

A/N: Wow, what a liar. I said I'd write one every week, but I doubt I'll be able to. But I've started to write at school, so these chapters should get up earlier.

Anyway...

Look forward to: Tidus and Axel's sleepover adventures, Roxas' quest to the phone store, Larxene's shady moment, Leon finds out Cloud's secret- yep, he has one, Zexion discovers the wonders of video games, and Sora pushes Riku's gimp leg to the limit.


	13. 13

So. This chapter is sort of a filler. I just have to make sure everything is dandy for the big finale!!

Sorry the last chapter was so short. I was getting so unmotivated..but my friend told me I should definately finish this story!

So I will.

So as I said, next chapter is the big finale. There might be an epilogue afterwards, but then this story is doooone.

And you all have to help me decide whether to write a prequel, as was planned?, or a sequel. Or a different story all together? I don't know. Help me!

So. To the story!

* * *

Roxas pulled on his boots (these cool, leathery, combat-like boots that he got at this military convention, where Axel almost joined the Marines), grabbed his house key and walked out the door.

He walked past the driveway, shaking his fist and cursing at his broken, piece-of-shit, blue pickup truck sitting in the garage.

The stupid thing had broken down last year, and Roxas had been too lazy to fix it since.

He flipped it off.

It stared brokenly back at him.

He reached the crosswalk, smacking the button before shoving his hands into his pockets, grumbling to himself.

Oh well. At least he lived right across the street from the phone store, right?

As cars rushed by, Roxas momentarily wondered why the Hell he didn't just come here first, instead of calling from home.

He dismissed the thought from his mind as the light turned red and the little man on the sign lighted up.

The blond set off across the street, carefully making sure not to step on the white lines. He hated the white liens.

He hummed quietly to himself, and was sure he'd make a peaceful journey across the street when _SPLAT_. Something hit the back of his head with a sick, sticky sound.

He gasped. What the fuck?

His hand flew to the back of his head where he was hit. Something wet was on his hair. He pulled back his hand, and his eyes widened.

He panicked.

Holy shit-mother-barbie he was bleeding!

Red dripped off his hand onto the white strip below his feet.

Hah. Jesus was just laughing at him today. First making him bleed, and then making him step on a white line.

Life sucked.

The blond flailed when laughter broke his silent panic bubble. Familiar laughter, too.

Roxas spun around and hit his thigh on a review mirror. He winced. Goddamn!

Riku was sitting behind the wheel of a nice, expensive looking, silver convertabile, smirking like a jackass. Roxas vaguely registered that Riku's hair matched his car.

Which was a very nice car, Roxas would have you know. A Hell of a lot better than his pickup. Roxas felt like crying. Goddamn, life sucked.

The blond scowled menancingly, but since he had to cry, it came off as a grimace. "I hope you realize, you made me bleed. Jackass."

Sora, who had been doubled over in laughter in the passenger seat, sat up and gasped for air. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, and Roxas was reminded of that time Axel wouldn't stop laughing at him for throwing up on that kid.

"You are not, Rox. I didn't throw a brick at you or anything."

Roxas shoved his red hand in Sora's face. "Then what do you call _that_?"

Sora laughed in a very jolly way and licked Roxas' palm. The blond stared at him in disgusted horror.

"It's ketchup. I threw a hotdog at you, Sherlock."

Roxas blinked dumbly, before looking around wildly. He didn't see any hot- oh. There it was. Lying mangled on the white stripe where Roxas stood earlier.

"Oh."

Sora laughed again. Roxas wished he could laugh that much. His cousin reached up and patted him on the shoulder.

"Well, we gotta go, Rox. I have to get this gimp into shape! He can't lose to Cloud."

Roxas noticed a hint of malice in Sora's voice when he said Cloud. Huh. Weird.

They drove away, with Sora grinning, and Riku scowling. Probably because Sora called him a gimp. Hah. Loser.

* * *

Demyx sighed and leaned against the large, beeping arcade game.

Zexion jumped nearby, squealing- WHAAAAAT IN THE WORLLLDDD?- like a little girl as the speakers blared, "PLAYER ONE WINS!"

Zexion bounded over to the blond and planted a kiss on his cheek. Demyx felt a hand slip into his pocket, and before he knew it, Zexion was back at the game, putting coins into it.

Demyx scowled. That little theif.

He glanced at his watch- which Zexy had gotten him for his birthday- and nearly fell over. They'd been here for 4- _4_!- hours, only playing this one, lame game.

Demyx whined. He had really wanted to play that other game...

He opened his mouth to protest. Its about to time he was heard! But when Zexion hopped back over to him, kissed him on the cheek, stole from his pocket, and bounded back, Demyx found he didn't have the heart to.

This was the happiest he'd seen Zexion since...well, since Demyx had done that cool dolphin flip in the kiddie's pool last summer.

The blond closed his mouth and rubbed the back of his head. The new game could wait. Anything could wait for his Zexy.

As if on cue, Zexion hopped back over.

"Come play with me, Demyx."

Demyx raised a brow. That was weird. As excited as Zexion acted, his voice was the same monotone. Huh. Odd. Well, whatever.

The blond shrugged. If ya can't be 'em, ya might as well join 'em, right?

* * *

Leon grumbled and stumbled into a brick wall. 'The Hell? He blinked wildly. When did that wall get there?

He rubbed his shoulder and continued down the alley way, avoiding the prostitutes that clung onto his arms, and shielding his eyes from the bright, flashing, neon signs of whore houses.

He tore himself away from the crowd and leaned heavily on a wall. His head felt heavy and his eyes were drooping, so he lifted his bottle of vodka and took a swig.

The alcohol slipped down his throat.

Then he howled. Yup, he howled, just like a wolf. Because wolves were manly and could live on alone! Without Cloud. Yeaaaaaah. Woohoo!

"Nice mating cry there, tiger," came a smooth, seductive, and strangely masculine voice.

Leon jumped and looked beside him, to see a tall, slim hooker leaning on the wall next to him.

The hooker had oddly styled blond hair, bright blue eyes, pale skin...and actually looked alot like-

"Cloud? What the Hell are you doing here?"

The hooker's eyes widened in shock, "Who? I'm not C-Cloud...my name is Roxie. Roxie Dazzlethighs. How'd you like to see them sparkle?"

* * *

"Faster!"

Riku felt like crying. His leg felt like crying too. He could just imagine a little face popping up on his scar, looking up at him with teary eyes and it sobbed in pain.

'_Why, Riku? Whyyyyy???_' it would cry, and Riku would cry with it, because he didn't understand why the fuck he had to run laps for tennis.

But then he imagined a line of snot rolling down his calf as the scar would sniffle and he gagged. Groooossss.

_SMACK._

Face-planting the floor on his broken nose sure took that image out of his brain.

"Shiiiiiiieeeeetttt son!"

Riku heard tiny foot steps quickly pattering their way towards him, and his Sora-loving part of his brain cooed. Awwwwwh. Sora sure had cute footsteps.

Which didn't make any sense, the reasonable part of Riku's brain added, since it would be impossible to make such cute footsteps with feet like Sora's.

Riku found himself nodding in agreement, despite the pain.

Sora certainly did have some big-ass feet.

"Oh my God, Riku, are you all right?!"

A hand grabbed his shoulder and flipped him onto his back. Riku's vision was filled with a giant brown blob, accented with two floating blue dots.

"Wha?"

"Oh, shit, man, answer me!"

Riku grunted. He didn't know what hurt worse- his leg or his face? He decided on his leg, because it didn't really have a face, so it couldn't see Sora's face. Which was making Riku's face feel kinda better.

"Yeah...I'm fine..."

Sora came into focus as he covered his face with his hands. A sob was heard. Riku's leg wished it could cry too. If only it had a face.

"I'm so sorry, Riku. It's my fault for pushing you so hard..."

Riku frowned and rubbed his nose. "You apologize too much, Sora."

The brunet uncovered his face, but his gaze stayed glued to the floor. "I'm sorry."

Riku frowned furthur and sat up, grabbing Sora tightly by the shoulders. "No."

"What?"

"No, you're not sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. You're always sorry! It's fine for you to push me! I get it, we have to beat Cloud. We have to get back at him for letting us get mauled by that officer! Now, stop apologizing and get mean!"

Sora blinked blankly. "Pardon?"

"I said get mean!" Riku bared his teeth in example. "See? Like that! Get tough! Grooowwwwl!"

"Riku..."

"I said growl!"

"Riku!"

"Growl, Sora!"

"No!"

"Yell!"

"Stop."

"Yellll!!!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Silence.

Riku stared at him, shocked.

Sora stared back, looking equally as shocked. He blinked a few times, obviously dumbfounded by his own outburst.

"Oh my God, Riku, I-I'm so sorry.."

"No! No! Stop apologizing!" Riku laughed. "That was great! You were such a total BAMF right there, Sora!"

Sora blinked a few times. The corners of his lips raised. "I was, wasn't I?"

"Hell yeah! Now c'mon. Try again. Get meeaaan. Get tough!"

Sora nodded enthusiastically. He cleared his throat, sat up straight and bared his teeth.

Cute.

"Get the fuck up, Moretti!"

Riku blinked. That sounded manly. Woah.

"I said, get your pansy ass up and train, you girl!"

"Woah, man. That was hardcore!" Riku stared in surprise. Who knew Sora could be such a BAMF(1)?

Sora scowled. "I'm not kidding, Moretti. Now get the Hell up."

* * *

"Hey man, thanks for letting me stay over, since I...you know, burnt down my house.."

Axel wriggled around in his sleeping bag, which was a bit too small for him. He pulled his legs to his chest and pulled the bag up to his nose.

Tidus, who was currently enveloped in his own sleeping bag, poked his head out and grinned. "Not a problem, dude. I always help a friend in need!"

"How noble," Axel replied, sitting up to pull his hair into a ponytail.

Tidus shrugged. "I try."

The blond got up and stretched. "You want popcorn?"

Axel's ears perked up. He most certainly _did_ want popcorn!

Axel loved, _loved_, popcorn. With a burning, fiery passion. Because it was the one food Roxas didn't steal from him.

It was all his own.

Because for some strange, unknown reason, Roxas hated popcorn.

But whatever. More for Axel!

"Yes, _please, please, please_," Axel replied. Tidus laughed and headed into the kitchen. Axel stole his sleeping bag.

While cabinets opened and closed, Axel formed his and Tidus' sleeping bags into a giant, warm cocoon.

He buried himself in it and daydreamed of popcorn.

The delicious smell of popcorn wafter from the air. Mmmm, popcorn.

Axel heard the obnoxious beep of the microwave go off, and he almost peed himself in excitement. POPCORN!

He was glad he had a controlled bladder, though. It would've been awkward if he peed in Tidus' sleeping bag.

The sound of the microwave door opening echoed through the room; the ripping sound of the bag, the delicate clinks of the popcorn being poured into a glass bowl...

Beautiful.

It was all finished off with a...thud? And the sound of popcorn being crunched and smashed.

Axel's head popped out of its toasty dwelling. That wasn't right...

"Tidus?"

An eerie silence was his only response.

Axel cautiously clambered out of his cocoon, quietly making his way to the kitchen. Shit, man, he'd seen this in scary movies...

"Tiduss??"

No response.

Axel took a deep breath as he reached the doorway of the kitchen. He peeked in.

Tidus was bent over the countertop. Motionless.

Oh shit!

What if he'd had a heartattack?

Axel's pulse quickened.

What if he had a brain aneurism?

Or what if...

What if he was....murdered?

Axel's eyes flew wide at the sheer thought. He raced to the blond's side.

"Tidus! Tidussss!!!!"

A loud snore was his reply.

Axel took a step back in disbelief. His stomach felt like it fell out of his butt. His jaw nearly touched the floor.

He. Did. Not.

"Bitch fell asleep in my popcorn!"

* * *

"My name is Roxie. Roxie Dazzletights. How'd you like to see them sparkle?"

Leon blinked dumbly. "Oh," he said. "I could've sworn you were Cloud..." He shrugged and turned to walk away. That was weird...

"Seriously?"

Leon stopped short at the voice, which was accompanied by a smooth leather glove on his wrist. He was spun around and was face to face with the blond once again.

The hooker stared at him intently. "Seriously?" he repeated.

Leon stared blankly. "Yes?" He swayed dangereously.

The blond threw up his arms in frustration. "Seriously! You don't even remember my face now?! I mean, sure, I'm in drag, but _seriously_? Fuck you, Leonhart."

He huffed and turned on his high heel, walking away with a series of angry clacks.

Leon stood there dumbly, the words slowly working their way through his alcohol-fuzzed mind. '_Fuck you, Leonhart..._'

Jeez. Those words sure sounded familiar...

The brunet's face must've glowed with pride as recogniztion dawned on him. "It _is_ you, Cloud!"

The blond stopped, turned to him and stared. And stared. And stared. Leon was sure his jaw dropped to the floor in disbelief. The brunet giggled to himself. Haha. That'd be sick. If his jaw actually dropped on the floor.

He patted himself on the back in congratulations as the blond ran a hand through his hair and made his way back. Good job, Leon, you lured a hooker back to ya. Woohoo!

The blond sighed. "You're drunk."

"And you're Cloud," Leon replied indignantly.

"Yeah. I am."

Leon giggled. Cloud mentally high-fived himself. Hah! The might, manly Leon _giggled_. Suck it, bitch.

"Why are you dressed like a lady, Cloud?" It was an innocent enough question, and the brunet was staring at him with large, curious eyes. Cloud never would've guessed Leon could be so cuddly.

Yeah, weird, right?

But he was.

The blond sighed yet again. "Well, since CD Party is still being repaired, I really needed some money. And apparently I'm good a pole dancing and lap dances- don't ask," he added, as the brunet opened his mouth. "So I thought this would pay off my rent."

Leon nodded dumbly.

Silence passed.

"Can I see your thighs sparkle, Cloud?"

"Shut up, bastard."

* * *

Roxas was sure the man behind the counter must've jumped at least ten inches off the ground when Roxas slammed the door of the phone store open. He stomped up to the counter, slamming his tomato-covered phone on the counter.

The guy, a tall, blond attractive guy with a goatee and lots of piercings- which looks really cool, Roxas noted. Maybe he'd get something piereced. Maybe his nose. Meh.- stared at the phone and then at Roxas with a raised brow.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah. I called earlier to get my phone fixed, but I dropped it into my soup. So yeah. Fix it. Now."

The guy stared at him blankly, like he was trying to remember a distant memory from his childhood. Which was weird, because Roxas was sure he had nothing to do with the phone guy's childhood.

"You're that chicken soup kid from before, aren't you? Roxas?"

Roxas raised a brow. "Yes..."

The guy grinned widely and Roxas wondered if he was high or something. The guy did sway a little.

"I'm Luxord. I'm the guy who was helping you."

Roxas "ooh"ed.

"Yeah...so, what happened ot your phone?"

Roxas frowned. "I told you. I dropped it into my soup."

This time Luxord "ooh"ed. "What soup did you end up going with?"

"Tomato."

"Not it's biggest fan."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"..."

Roxas scratched the back of his head. "Uhm...well...could you fix my phone or something? Because you know- I have to do the whole thing with the love thing and the tennis match and the yeah-"

Luxord nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you told me. Hold up."

Roxas examined the phone in the display case as Luxord disappeared into the backroom. The older blond returned, jacket in hand.

"It'll take like 30 minutes. You wanna go get some coffee while we wait?"

Roxas shrugged. Whatever. As long as his phone got fixed.

The two left the store, walking down the street towards the small cafe that was nearby. Luxord asked him all sorts of questions, from how old he was to where he went to school to if he wanted some weed to whether he was a virgin. Roxas said no the weed and refused to answer the last question, while wondering why he was hanging with this guy.

When his mother had given him his handy sewing kit, which was snug in his pocket, she had also told him never to go off with some random person. He wondered if the phone guy counted as random.

They reached the cafe and took a seat in the booth near the back. Luxord ordered some beer for both of them. Roxas asked for a coffee and ignored the beer when it came.

Luxord drank it for him.

They talked lightly, but Roxas began to feel impatient. Luxord excused himself for the restroom.

"Beer makes me have to piss like a racehorse," he explained. Roxas shrugged. Weirrrrrddd.

The blond sat there in awkward silence, listening to sounds around him.

"Why is it taking so long?" A vaguely familiar voice asked from the booth behind him.

"I'm sorry, Kairi. He's too attatched to Roxas."

Roxas' ears perked. Hey. _He_ was Roxas! He cautiously strained his neck and held in a dramatic gasp. The booth behind him was occupied by a familiar ex-girlfriend redhead and a familiar current-girlfriend blonde.

Roxas dropped to the floor under the table when Kairi's gaze snapped towards him. She had eye like an eagle Roxas reminded himself.

He crawled underneath the seat, grimacing when his hand slipped in ketchup. Stupid tomatos!

He reached the edge where Larxene's feet dangled under the girls' table. Roxas tuned up his super hearing.

"We have to get him to like you enough so that when you break up with him at the tennis match, he'll be completely humiliated and come crawling back to me!" Kairi was saying in a hushed voice. Roxas help in a cry as Larxene's leg swung into his face.

When she didn't check under the table to investigage, Roxas figured she must've thought his face was a table leg. Pf. How rude.

"I'm trying, Kairi. I'll have it done by the match. And you'll have my money, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. But crushing Axel's heart comes first, understood?"

* * *

Guh. I'm so done with this chapter. Sorry the last part is complete shit. But whatever. I'm so unmotivated...

(1) BAMF= Bad Ass Mother Fucker.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Zexion was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in this chapter. But he's a sucker for video games.

Well, next chapter is probably the last one. There might be an epilogue, but most likely not.

So I'll take alot of time to try to make it as epic as possible, all right?

Look forward to: MOJO! finale! The tennis match has finally arranged. Will Riku's gimp leg be trained enough to win? Will Leon sober up enough to cheer on Cloud? Will Demyx and Zexion ever have a particularly significant story line? And will Roxas make it in time to warn Axel of his impending heartbreak? Or will the wicked Kairi succeed? Blahblahblahblahblahblahbladjf???????

Hah. That was so coooorrrrrrnnnny. Whatever. Woohoo!


	14. 14

* * *

So first of all, I'd really like to apologize.

Things have been pretty shitty in my personal life lately, hence why all the oneshots I've written have been dark and kinda depressing. But things are looking up, and I'm feeling better. I didn't want to write a chapter for a _humorous_ story when I was _depressed_, so I put this story on hiatus until things got better.

And alas, now they have!

So, here's the last chapterrrrrrrr!

. And again I apologize. D8

* * *

Axel reached for a piece of popcorn, the bag seated between Larxene's knees. The blonde slapped his hand away, growled protectively, and pulled the bag to the opposite side of her body, away from Axel.

Axel felt like crying. After Tidus had fallen asleep in his popcorn- and drooled all over it to, that bastard- Axel had crawled back into his sleeping bag and had refused to come out for the rest of the night.

And when he was picked up by Larxene the next day, he had been particularly looking forward to getting popcorn at the match. And to watch Riku fail on his gimp leg. Haha. Cripple.

But now, here he was, still inwardly sulking about Roxas, and about his popcorn, and being denied his _other_ popcorn by a psychopathic bitch!

Below, on the field, he saw Cloud in one corner, his shoulders being massaged roughly by who Axel recognized as Tifa (she had tried to recruit Axel for the marines at a military convention once. He almost joined, but Roxas started crying and making a big fuss, so he didn't.), who was whispering encourangements into the blond's ear. Leon was sleeping on a bench nearby, a bottle of vodka in his hand and a drunken smile on his face.

In the other corner sat Riku, securing the bandages around his leg, patting it with a tissue and consoling it- wtf? Sora stood nearby, pumping his fists in the air and shoving his face in Riku's, yelling, 'COME ON! GET PUMPED UP, PUMP IT UP, PUMP IT LOUDAAAAAAA!'

Axel scratched the end of his nose. What a freak.

* * *

"Dude, I'm so sorry. I totally didn't know that would happen."

"Shut up and drive."

"Roxas, I really am sorry..."

"Just drive the goddamn car, bitch."

The car jerked to a stop and Roxas felt a hand on his shoulder, and found himself face to face with a red-as-a-tomato Luxord. Who also had boils all over his skin. Ewwwwww.

Cars honked angrily and drove around them, with drivers shaking their fists in rage as they drove by. Luxord flipped them the bird.

"Listen here, gaylord. _I'm_ not the one who decided to crawl underneath a booth to do God-only-knows-what. _I'm_ not the one who eats so damn much that they get _stuck_ underneath a booth while doing God-only-knows-what. _I'm_ just the one who fucking pulled you out from underneath said booth. And it's not even my fault that you're so fat that I had to pull so hard, it dislocated your ankle. Understand?"

Roxas opened his mouth to retort. Afterall, he was _not_ fat. He was just...soft. Yeah.

But then he thought back to the rest of Luxord's rant, and realized, yeah...Luxord _did_ pull him out from underneath that booth, didn't he?

And he _did_ drive Roxas to the hospital and stay with him all night- since the doctor actually turned out to be the real doctor's retarded twin brother who didn't know a thing about medicine and made an unnecessary incision on Roxas' ankle with an unsteralized scalpel.

And he _was_ driving Roxas to Riku and Cloud's tennis match. So Roxas would let the fat comment go.

"...I'm sorry."

"Good."

Luxord humphed and sat back in his original position, the bright-red color of his face fading slightly.

A tense silence fell between them, before Roxas asked, "Uhm...why are there hives all over your face?"

Luxord started the car back up and began driving again, punching the _on_ button for the radio on. '_I Kissed A Girl'_ filled the car. Roxas scowled. Fuck you, KateKatieWhat-fucking-ever Perry. Fuck you.

"Because I get hives when I get really angry."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

* * *

"Eeek! I'm so excited! Aren't you excited? Huh? Zexy? Zexy? Zexy? Zexy? Zexy? Huh? Zexy? Aren't ya? Zexy? Zexy?"

Purple eyes creaked open just enough to send Demyx a death glare. The blond grinned happily down at him, and Zexion felt like shooting him in the face.

Zexion was currently napping- scratch that- _attemping_ to nap on a bench, his head resting on Demyx's thighs. Spending an entire night playing some game at an arcade before being thrown on by some big buff guy took a lot out of a guy.

"Shut. Up."

"But the game is going to start in like, 10 minutes!"

"Wake me up in 10 minutes then."

"But-"

"Shut up. Now."

"..."

"Good."

* * *

_"Ladies and Gentlemen! Please take your seat! We are about to begin! Prepare yourself for this epic match between Riku Moretti and Cloud Strife!"_

An excited buzz went through the crowd. Axel buzzed too. Just like a bee. Buzz, buzz.

But his eyes were scanning the sea of heads in search of a specific, spiky, blond one. That would probably have some sort of food item in it. Because Roxas somehow managed to get food on the top of his hair, when he was in the middle of a frantic eating session.

Alas, he spotted none.

Beside him, Larxene munched away at Axel's popcorn, unusually tense. Her eyes kept shifting from Axel to the tennis court to a certain spot in the crowd to the doors of the arena. It was kinda creepy and shady, but Axel shrugged and stared wistfully at the popcorn, before continuing his search for his blond comrade.

A few bleachers away, Axel saw Zexion grumble something and sit up from his spot on Demyx's lap, the blond boy wrapping his arms excitedly around Zexion's shoulders. Zexion elbowed him in the ribs.

He watched Riku limp onto the tennis court, wincing with every step. Sora yelled something stupid and continued to pump his fists in the air.

Cloud sent a glare at the still-sleeping Leon and made his way to the court. Leon slept happily.

Larxene suddenly stood up from her seat, mumbled, "Be back," and fought her way down the bleachers, stepping on some kid's hand and kneeing a man in the back of the head. They cried out indignantly, but Larxene flipped them off, threatened to sew the kid's mouth shut, and continued her trek through the crowd.

Axel felt sorry for the small child, who was now crying and shoving several handfuls of popcorn into his mouth, his snot getting all over the kernel-y goodness. Stupid bitch, ruining damn good popcorn. He death-glared at the child before sighing heavily and staring at his lap, before pulling his phone from his pocket.

Axel glanced at his phone's time. 5 more minutes until the game started, and still no Roxas.

* * *

"Drive faster, slave!"

"I'm trying! But there's so much traffic, I'm baffled!"

"...Did you really just say baffled?"

"Yes. Now shut up and let me drive."

Roxas threw up his arms in anger. "But we're not even moving!" Which was true. Their car was stuck behind a large, red truck, with a license plate reading, 'HOT AZZ'. Which was certainely NOT true. The guy behind the wheel was a large, overweight truck driver, with the typical red-neck look to him. He was glancing in his review mirror, staring at Roxas and waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Roxas raised a brow, and the man took a suggestive bite of a Big Mac.

"It's not my fault," Luxord grumbled, turning the music up louder.

Roxas made a weird, aggitated sound in the back of his throat, before rolling down his window and sticking his head out. "Hey, I can see the tennis court!"

Luxord ignored him and cranked up the volume.

"I can see the tennis court," Roxas whispered to himself. And he finally knew what it was like to feel like a lightbulb went on over your head. And it was pretty goddamn cool.

He threw the door of the car open, and hobbled out, despite Luxord's protests. Roxas stuck his head back inside the window and grinned.

"Thanks, man, but I've got to go save my love life. I'll pick up my phone tommorrow."

Luxord nodded and waved, and Roxas limped away through the rows of traffic as fast as he could. He used the sides of cars to propel himself forward, and ignored the pain everytime his thigh struck a review mirror.

People stared at him dumbly from out their windows as he hobbled along, his ankle incision breaking open and bleeding weakly.

He was hobbling so fast, he didn't notice a cop car as he limped past it, but the officer inside sure noticed him. The large, dreadlocked man, who may be remembered as Xaldin, the angry and buff mall cop, spit his doughnut out all over his windshield. He threw his door open dramatically and called after Roxas. "That is a clear violation of traffic safety rules, young man!"

And he began a sprint after him. But he was larger than Roxas, and therefore had a harder time scooting between cars.

Roxas threw a quick glance over his shoulder and was only inspired to limp all the faster.

Luxord stuck his head out his window and cheered. "RUN LITTLE DUDE, RUUUUN!" before returning to his seat and pulling out some weed.

* * *

Axel sighed and began twidling his thumbs. Larxene was still mysteriously gone, and he was allll aloooone. He kept an eye on the entrance, willing Roxas with his...well, with his will to burst through the doors any second. 'Pish posh,' he told himself. 'That only happens in movies, douche.'

He glanced at his phone clock again. 3 more minutes to go.

* * *

Roxas had reached the gates of the match, but two burly guys were blocking the entrance. He skidded to a stop, breathing heavily.

"Ticket please," one buff guy asked, holding his beefy hand out. Roxas looked bewildered.

"I don't have a ticket."

"Then leave, please."

Roxas felt like crying, "No, no,no, no. You don't understand. I _have_ to get in there. Like, now."

"Ticket, please."

"I don't have one, but can't you-"

"Ticket, please."

Roxas made the same aggitated-throat-noise as before, and he could hear the hairy police officer catching up behind him. So he did the first thing that came to mind. He punched both buff guys in the crotch and dashed inside. They doubled over in pain and made a nice road block for the hairy officer, who shouted, "THAT'S ANOTHER OFFENSE, YOUNG MAN. ANOTHER OFFENSE!"

* * *

Axel's eyes looked to the referee stand, where he spotted Larxene crawling up the ladder. The announcer looked down at her in surprise and tried kicking her off. But she growled ferally and caught his ankle, yanking him violently. The guy toppled off his tower and landed in a heap on the court below.

That girl is fucking strong, Axel's brain commented. Axel nodded dumbly in agreement.

The blonde girl crawled into the guy's seat, and took his megaphone, standing on the chair and looking out above the crowds.

"_Hey, listen up!_" She said into the megaphone. The buzz of the crowd died down. Axel was kinda glad, because it was getting annoying. He stole a quick glance at his phone. 1 minute left...

* * *

Roxas heard Larxene's obnoxious voice come out of the crowd and his heart fell in dread. He grabbed a brick- which was conviently lying just ahead-, and hobbled as quick as he could toward the field, ignoring vendor's offers of hotdogs, popcorn, and other delicous foods. He'd get back to them, Roxas promised himself.

"_I'd just like to say a little somethin' somethin' before this match starts between cripple boy and girly man,_" Larxene continued. Roxas was nearly wheezing from his effort of going so fast.

"_I'd just like to say, that Axel Jansen is the biggest, most, without a doubt, lo-_"

Roxas pulled back his arm- brick in hand-, threw as hard as he could, and hoped just for once, his terrible aim wouldn't be so terrible.

* * *

Axel's ears had perked up at the sound of his name. He had been staring at Larxene, who was bellowing into the microphone. Something about him being the biggest, most, without a doubt, lo-, something. But she didn't get to finish, because right at that moment, a shining, blond, beautiful angel burst into the stadium and threw a globe of light and love at her.

Well, actually, it was Roxas limping in, sweaty and red-faced, who threw a brick at Larxene's head. And it hit her, too. Which was surprising. Roxas sucked at throwing things! The crowd had a collective gasp of surprise.

But he hit dead one, unless he wasn't trying to hit Larxene, and the blonde girl crumpled and went tumbling down the ladder and landing ontop of the referee.

Roxas pumped his fists in the air, just like Sora, and began climbing the ladder, with some difficulty. Yells came from the doorway which he had burst through, and a large, hairy police officer flew into the court, shaking his fists violently. Roxas' eyes widened and he climbed at riduculous speeds for someone with a bleeding and dislocated ankle.

He snatched the megaphone off the seat and pressed the button, eyes scanning the crowds, before yelling, "AXEL JANSEN, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU."

And he was then mauled off the podium by the large, hairy man.

And Axel fainted because of all the excitement.

Below him, the little crying kid stopped crying and said, "Well who the fuck is Axel Jansen?"

* * *

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

BeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepFUCKINGBEEP.

Roxas' eyes shot open but was blinded by white. Heart monitors weren't supposed to say 'fucking'. It was wholey inappropriate!

He knew where he was. He knew what had happened. And he was damned proud of his spectacular throw.

He glanced at the beds beside him, and saw Larxene, the referee, the man who was kneed in the back of the head, the two guys that Roxas punched in the crotch, Luxord- the fuuuck?, and lastly, Axel.

Who was awake, and smiling and staring back at Roxas. He got up, pulled the I.V. from his arm, and made his way to Roxas' bed.

Roxas opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly shut up with a kiss. Axel pulled away and beamed.

"I love you too."

* * *

_Epilogue_

In the end, Demyx and Zexion never did get a relevant story-line. They lived lives filled with video games and dolphin flips and were pretty goddamn happy. Demyx became a well-known local musician and Zexion became a brain surgeon. Woot!

Kairi was completely distraught that her brilliant plan wasn't so brilliant and was ruined with a single throw of a brick. She broke down crying after the game, but was consoled by Riku and Sora, who she became close friends with. She forever remained in the fast food business, and became manager of her chain.

Larxene had her head shaved for brain surgery, and afterwards grew her hair out in a mohawk. She met Marluxia and fell in love/hate with him. They live in a small cottage filled with plants and small fuzzy animals. Larxene became mentally insane form the sheer happiness of the cottage, and that's the way Marly likes it.

Sora apologized to Riku for being so hardcore, and Riku forgave him. Riku's leg healed into a disgusting, disfigured scar, but Sora loved him anyway, despite his terrible deformity. Riku finally beat Cloud at tennis and went on to be state champion. Sora became his coach, and was pretty BAMF.

Leon finaly woke up and apologized profusely to Cloud for falling asleep during his tennis match. Cloud didn't forgive him, but then Leon re-painted Cloud's apartment- to blue instead of yellow- and Cloud was so happy for the change, he forgave him (he actually hated yellow. It pissed him off. But he was too lazy to re-paint himself.) Leon joined him in his life as a prostitute, and they both quit their jobs at C.D. Party.

Axel dumped Larxene and began dating Roxas. He found his pasion in music-producing, and became pretty damn rich. Roxas became a mediocre baseball player, and they lived pretty happily together, until Axel burned their house down and lost his job. They then started a small coffee shop together with what money they had left,and lived in a loft. Roxas refuses to let Axel cook.

And Roxas' plan of M.O.J.O! was never finished, but instead was disregarded, crumpled and thrown into the trash, where it went on to a garbage dump. From there it decomposed and became part of the Earth. It became a fertilizer for this planet, and came back as a big, beautiful tree.

The End.

* * *

A/N: AAAH. CORNY ENDING, CORNY ENDING, AND I HATE IT. But I couldn't think of anything else, and and and! The last line is Dane Cook's. No credit to me.

So, just some things I'd like to point out about this story.

One being, I just re-read some of the chapters to help me get back into the writing style I used for the fic, and I realized that originally, I had made Sora Roxas' brother. But now he's his cousin? Oops.

Second, I have to give major props to Katalystik, the author of "Super Size!" (Which you all should read, btw. It's aweesssoome.), who was my major inspiration to write this. Their writing style made me laugh so hard my sides hurt, so I pretty much attempted to write M.O.J.O.! the same way.

Third, Dane Cook. That guy has made my life, and some of the stuff in here.

Fourth, Jim Gaffigan. Because without his Hot Pocket joke, Axel would never have burned his house down.

Fifth, YOU PEOPLE. You amazing people, my readers and reviewers. You are the most fuckin' awesome kick-ass people ever.

And that's the end of M.O.J.O! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Dane Cook's jokes, Big Mac's, or anything else.


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